Bill Belichick’s Press Conference After Loss To The Texans Could Not Have Been More Uncomfortable

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The Most Dangerous Jobs The World Has Ever Known:

3.) Roofing with roller blades on
2.) Chernobyl emergency worker
1.) A reporter in the same room as Bill Belichick after a loss to his former assistant

I don’t think I’m telling any tales out of school when I say that Mr. Belichick takes a loss about as well as I take my girlfriend calling my hog ‘cute.’

The Patriots fell to the Texans 28-22 on national television Sunday night, a loss that nearly resulted in Tom Brady committing an Aaron Hernandez on one of his receivers and highlighted massive deficiencies in a Patriots offense that has been its bread-and-butter for nearly 20 years.

To add insult to injury, the loss not only dropped the Patriots out of the top seed in the AFC, but it came at the hands of Belichick’s former assistant, Bill O’Brien, who had previously been 0-4 against his mentor.

It shouldn’t be a surprise that in the mandatory post-game presser, Bill Belichick treated reporters like he had been prepped by a lawyer, but Sunday night was particularly icy.

Reporters were petrified to ask one of the million questions they could’ve asked about, say, I don’t know, leaving Tom Brady with pop warner receivers to throw to.

I’ve had more comfortable interactions running into my ex on the street with her new boyfriend she was boning while we were still together. Fuck you, Travis. You don’t want this smoke.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.