The Miami Dolphins have reportedly released expert cover guy Brent Grimes and, in turn, have also bid a fond farewell to his chemically balanced and QUITE vocal wife, Miko Grimes.
Over the years, as you may have noticed, Brent’s “better half” has developed quite a memorable presence on Twitter, staunchly defending her husband, who — by his own right — is truly a phenomenal defensive back. But even if he gets burned Tecmo Bowl-style, it always seems to be someone else’s fault.
First things first, though. Miko Grimes does NOT like Armando Salguero, a writer for the Miami Herald:
https://twitter.com/iHeartMiko/status/707041581703045120
Damn. Message delivered. But whatever Armando said or did to inspire such a sea of texts, I’m gonna go ahead and lean on at least 56 of the 59 texts being from the fiery Miko. UPDATE: That rant appears to be gone, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t have room to mock Chris Dudley, whose lone crime came at the free throw line:
https://twitter.com/iHeartMiko/status/707778252178399234
Oh, you don’t think so? Yeah, now you do. Shit, 58 of those burning screeds could be from Mika to some random beat reporter, with that one lone ranger possibly to a loved one saying “dude, I’m ’bout to go crazy on this bitch,”
She also happens to be politically delightful:
https://twitter.com/iHeartMiko/status/707774732775591936
What a gift.
But whatever. Brent Grimes will find a comfy new home with equally comforting contract numbers, and a whole neeeeeeeew fan base for Mika to go batshit crazy with. Frankly, this is the rare case where EVERYONE wins. Let’s try and embrace that notion:
https://twitter.com/iHeartMiko/status/707782760107212800
Come on, Bro, you’e not excited?
https://twitter.com/iHeartMiko/status/707622668040867840
To get on a rare serious note, there’s nothing more earth-shattering than simply throwin’ up the candy bar emoji. Shots freakin’ fired, pudgy Bro.
https://twitter.com/iHeartMiko/status/707782818529726464
We definitely need a live cam of Brent Grimes and his agent trading chugs of bleach, because the dude just needs a new team, not a new headache.
Someone please phone Doug Christie’s wife. Not for guidance, but just so these two can kill some important time together.
[H/T TBL]