The Miami Dolphins have reportedly released expert cover guy Brent Grimes and, in turn, have also bid a fond farewell to his chemically balanced and QUITE vocal wife, Miko Grimes.
Over the years, as you may have noticed, Brent’s “better half” has developed quite a memorable presence on Twitter, staunchly defending her husband, who — by his own right — is truly a phenomenal defensive back. But even if he gets burned Tecmo Bowl-style, it always seems to be someone else’s fault.
First things first, though. Miko Grimes does NOT like Armando Salguero, a writer for the Miami Herald:
Damn. Message delivered. But whatever Armando said or did to inspire such a sea of texts, I’m gonna go ahead and lean on at least 56 of the 59 texts being from the fiery Miko. UPDATE: That rant appears to be gone, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t have room to mock Chris Dudley, whose lone crime came at the free throw line:
Oh, you don’t think so? Yeah, now you do. Shit, 58 of those burning screeds could be from Mika to some random beat reporter, with that one lone ranger possibly to a loved one saying “dude, I’m ’bout to go crazy on this bitch,”
She also happens to be politically delightful:
What a gift.
But whatever. Brent Grimes will find a comfy new home with equally comforting contract numbers, and a whole neeeeeeeew fan base for Mika to go batshit crazy with. Frankly, this is the rare case where EVERYONE wins. Let’s try and embrace that notion:
Come on, Bro, you’e not excited?
To get on a rare serious note, there’s nothing more earth-shattering than simply throwin’ up the candy bar emoji. Shots freakin’ fired, pudgy Bro.
We definitely need a live cam of Brent Grimes and his agent trading chugs of bleach, because the dude just needs a new team, not a new headache.
Someone please phone Doug Christie’s wife. Not for guidance, but just so these two can kill some important time together.