Brett Favre is More Man Than You’ll Ever Be, Reports Brett Favre’s Agent

by 4 years ago

No. He's not back. He won't be back. There is no way he could return to the NFL under any circumstances. Not even as a goof. But that won't stop the annual what-if-he-did story from happening.

And this particular one will make even the most casual of Favre-approved jeans get tight from the oozing masculinity.

Here's Bus Cook, the ol' gunslinger's agent, getting very descriptive about how Favre now spends his days:

“Today, he could play today,'' Cook said Monday night before his appearance as guest speaker at the New Horizons Credit Union-1st & 10 Club meeting at Heron lakes Country Club. “I saw him the other day. He's in the best shape I've ever seen him in, physically.

“His arms look like a blacksmith's arms. He rides a bike probably 30-50 miles a day. He runs four or five miles a day. He's coaching at the high school and they're undefeated. He loves it. His body fat is 7.5 percent and he weighs 225 pounds. He could play today, better than a lot of them out there today.''

But wait, there's more. We've exclusively obtained Favre's journal. Here are a few everyday activities the 44-year-old partakes in that Cook failed to mention:

  • Rise at 4 a.m., do 1,300 burpees
  • Milk 500 Holstein cows, promptly drink 20 gallons of untreated liquid protein
  • Pedicab local students to school, six at a time
  • Text, then regret text
  • Play Madden, purposely injure Aaron Rodgers
  • Visit local supermarket, heave full hams, receive applause
  • Catch up on Charmed reruns
  • Wonder if “Bus Cook” is agent's real name
  • Hand-squeeze an entire grove of oranges for the good people at Tropicana
  • Learn even more about history of denim
  • Attend every high school football practice in the country, toss passes, leave real players woefully underprepared for big game
  • Bed at 9 p.m., tomorrow's another big day

TAGSBrett FavreMen

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