This begs the question: Would you sprain your ankle and have to spend the following six weeks walking around in a boot and crutches like my man Bruce here for your squad to win a championship? Keep in mind that the video of you going down faster than a porn star would be posted all over the internet and your body likely isn’t beach ready. Another contingency is you couldn’t lie about how you did it: you’d have to tell everyone that asks (and everyone will) that you cannot even cheer without injuring yourself. Anyone whose ever sprained their ankle knows that it shouldn’t hurt as bad as it does, and anyone whose ever been in crutches knows just how debilitating they can be. The bars: off limits. Stairs: your worst nightmare. Getting to work: pay for the Uber. Sex: you weren’t getting any anyway. For a month and a half. Would you take the pain and discomfort to bring a championship and everlasting glory to your city? Remember: the players on the team you love probably wouldn’t piss on you if you were on fire.
Here’s a visual of the damage that Bruce sent into Deadspin.
Another hypothetical: would you eat a heaping pile of horse shit for your team to bring home the coveted prize? This lunatic did. I’m a hard pass.