The World’s First “Zika-Proof” Condoms Will Be Worn By The Australian Olympic Team, So It’s Safe To Say They’ll Win The Gold Medal In Doing It

The 2016 Summer Olympics will be in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil this August, which would’ve meant the already frenzied sex scene athletes are accustomed to at the Olympic Games would’ve reached record-breaking levels, but that was before Brazil became a hotbed for the Zika virus. However, the Australian Olympic team will be on every Olympian’s ‘to do’ list since they’ll be bringing the world’s first and only “Zika-proof” condoms.

ICYMI, the Zika virus can be transmitted by infected mosquitoes, but also via sexual contact. It’s been linked to birth defects and neurological disorders. The first case of the sexually transmitted Zika virus was found in Dallas in early February.

On top of the Zika threat, it’s also been reported that that the water at Brazil’s Olympic venues is so contaminated that drinking it results in 99% chance of illness.

A company press release stated that Ansell’s Dual Protect condoms are lubricated with Starpharma’s VivaGel, which the company claims can protect against bad vadge bacteria (which can overtake good bacteria and increase chances of getting an STD), HIV, HPV, genital herpes, and Zika.

Here’s a quote from Starpharma’s CEO:

“Starpharma is delighted to play a role in supporting Australian athletes as they compete on the world-stage at the Olympic Games in Rio.”

… and win gold medals in non-lethal, no-strings-attached sport f*cking. I would love to know which country’s Olympians are most pimp. Like, who gets laid the most, who lands the most quality lays. This is what it’s all about, isn’t it? Save your ‘we are the world’ hippie logos and mascots. Which world power crosses the finish line most.

In case you forgot, Australia Olympics gave us Michelle Jenneke of bouncing gif fame…

The Center for Disease Control says they don’t know anything about the product, so that’s a little on the sketch side, but, apparently there are lab trials going down in the U.S. Memo to the American team, make sure to go ‘down under’ with Aussies and have g’day, mate.


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