30. Marshawn Lynch
Look, whenever you earn a nickname like “Beast Mode” you are doing good things. But Marshawn’s a man of many talents. He may a beast on the field, but he’s a smooth son of a bitch off it. After all, let’s not forget the time he jacked the injury cart in college and drove it around the field after a game like a G. Just look at that form. Goddamn.
29. Jim McMahon
You might not know this, but Jim McMahon wore his famous shades because he suffered an eye injury as a little kid that made him sensitive to light, and he probably wasn’t the party animal that you might think either. He was a dude who went to BYU and spent all his time around Mormons. But look at it another way. He had wimpy eyes and hung out with some of the most uptight bros on Earth and still came out of it looking like a goddamn rock star. That’s cool.
28. Clinton Portis
Clinton Portis was crazy. He would routinely give interviews in character, wearing full costumes and generally acting the weirdo. You can look at it one of two ways: either he had so much contempt for NFL reporters that he went out of his way to fuck with them like that, or he just thought it was fun. Either way, that is a dude I want to chill with.
27. Joe Greene
His name doesn’t even look right that way, does it? That’s because his full name as far as the public is concerned is “Mean” Joe Greene. He was the leader, both spiritually and physically, of the Steelers old badass Steel Curtain defense. Everyone listened to him. Terry Bradshaw, Franco Harris, Lynn Swann, Jack Lambert… all those Steelers legends. They all did what he said. He was the alpha. He was their king of cool.
26. Charles Woodson
Charles Woodson brought – and still brings – just as much swag as Deion Sanders, only minus the jackassery. He’s so cool that he’s still the only primarily defensive player to ever with the Heisman Trophy. He was so cool that voters just couldn’t deny that shit. He’s just a straight up boss, and when he’s not owning the football game, he’s owning the game of life, donating millions to the Mott Children’s Hospital.
25. Barry Sanders
Take everything I said about Gale Sayers and multiply it by about 10,000. Barry Sanders was so cool that he was barely even human. He was just a smooth ass alien.
24. Bubba Smith
As an NFL player, Bubba Smith was an intimidating All-Pro. When his career was over, he became a beer commercial hero and, oh yeah, he was Hightower in Police Academy, which makes him not only the coolest dude to ever show up in a Steve Guttenberg movie, but one of the coolest NFL players ever.
23. Max McGee
Max McGee was an aging player on the eve of Super Bowl I, AKA maybe the biggest and most important game in football history. He decided he probably wasn’t going to play so he did the natural thing and got shitfaced drunk the night before. The only problem was that the dude in front of him in the lineup immediately got hurt, and so with a hellacious hangover, probably still half drunk, wearing a helmet he had to borrow from a teammate because he lost his, old ass Max McGee caught 7 passes for 138 yards and 2 touchdowns, and became the first Super Bowl hero ever. And, more importantly, a hero to bros everywhere.
22. Terry Crews
Terry Crews bounced around the NFL for a few years and then was elected to the highest office in the land as President Camacho in Idiocracy. Now that’s living the American dream.
21. Billy Johnson
Again, this is one of those names that just doesn’t look right without the nickname included. Billy “White Shoes” Johnson. There. That’s better. Look, anytime you are best known by a nickname that you got because your shoes are so fly, you’re going to make this list. That’s just a rule. But aside from that, White Shoes also pretty much invented the end zone dance, which means he pretty much earned his PhD in cool. Dr. White Shoes.