I’m sure that 99.99% of you bros have seen Cristiano Ronaldo’s statue by now. The statue was unveiled earlier this week at an airport named after Cristiano Ronaldo, and it immediately started getting roasted on the Internet by anyone and everyone who laid eyes upon this abomination.
Is this statue as bad as people are saying it is? Hell yes, it’s the shittiest piece of bronze sculpting that I’ve ever seen. And I’ve actually seen more bronze sculpting than you’d ever expect because believe it or not, my grandfather was a bronze sculptor who apprenticed under Pablo Picasso while living in Italy in the 1950’s (true story, hand on a bible). I grew up seeing bronze sculptures all over the house, all over my grandparent’s house, and all over the art college where my grandfather once worked. I’m not saying that I’m the world’s greatest judge of bronze sculpting but I’ll claim to be at least ‘above average’ in my abilities to assess bronze sculptures. With that in mind, this bronze bust of Cristiano Ronaldo is a complete pile of steaming hot feces.
The artist who sculpted the bronze bust to be displayed at Cristiano Ronaldo International Airport, formerly known as Aeroporto da Madeira, is attempting to defend his work and here’s the bullshit reason he gave, via SI’s Extra Mustard:
The artist, a local sculptor named Emanuel Santos, has spoken up about the much reviled statue, saying, basically, “you can’t win ’em all.”
“It is impossible to please the Greeks and Trojans. Neither did Jesus please everyone,” he said, according to The Guardian. “This is a matter of taste, so it is not as simple as it seems. What matters is the impact that this work generated. There is always the possibility of making a difference, I was prepared for all this. I used as a base some photos of Cristiano Ronaldo that I found on the internet, nothing specific. I put the photos next to me and started working on the bust.”
The artist then goes on to explain that Cristiano Ronaldo and his brother saw photographs of the bronze bust and Cristiano provided minimal feedback. You can see the rest of his defense of the bronze bust on SI’s Extra Mustard, but don’t leave without feasting your eyes upon this statue one more time:
Octavio Passos/Getty Images
Every time I look at this statue I can’t help but think about this god-awful painting of Jesus that was destroyed by an elderly woman attempting to ‘restore’ the work and who later filed a lawsuit to get paid for ‘restoring’ the painting:
Composite / Getty
So.
Fucking.
Bad.