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***WARNING: If you are a waitstaff member in the greater Los Angeles area and see a 7-footer with bowling ball shoulders enter your establishment, take off your apron and call it a day.
Thirteen bucks an hour is a small price to pay to avoid having a fucking plate shattered over your head for not putting enough bacon bits in a Cobb salad. I don’t care if the customer is worth a quarter billion, unless you got Ratatouille in the kitchen whipping up something delightful, tell the powers-that-be at Applebees that you can’t work because you have diarrhea and cozy up to the bar with a couple $1 Blue Long Island Ice Teas (incredible deal) and watch a colleague get body slammed through a table for not knowing if the croutons are gluten-free.***
Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you: Dwight “Cheryl” Howard.
"I'm looking forward to giving 110%." @DwightHoward /// #LakeShow pic.twitter.com/9s7aud247Q
— Los Angeles Lakers (@Lakers) September 4, 2019
Dude what the fuck is that? Like how do you even describe it to Stevie Wonder when he cut if for you?
I’ve heard of “Speaking to the manager,” but this is “Picketing outside corporate office” level.
It’s a relief to know that I’m not the only one whose brain this cut broke.
When did we get dwight Howard. And what type hair cut this man got tf https://t.co/mCARXVPhIL
— jordanfan1999 (@dustinbaker68) September 4, 2019
You could tell by Dwight Howard's hair he ain't serious about playing
— Hiawatha Smalls (@kblizzle) September 5, 2019
BOY! YOU BETTER CUT THAT DAMN HAIR! Looking like you boutta join the Los Angeles sparks! pic.twitter.com/1TcbQmBp7G
— Manny (@Mustbekstro) September 5, 2019
https://twitter.com/djseoultrain/status/1169430929489764352?s=20
Jesus dude, it’s not that serious. Have one of my $1 Blue Long Island Ice Teas and take a deep breath…
Alright, people can make fun of Dwight Howard’s haircut and everything all they want, but let’s stop acting like he’s some scrub like Ryan Hollins. Dude’s still a first-ballot HoF and was the best center in the league for over half a decade
— Jack Southworth (@jacksouth25) September 5, 2019