Very few bowl games have made a greater impact in such a short amount of time than the Duke’s Mayo Bowl and everybody who tuned into the shenanigans-filled postseason college football matchup had an absolute blast. The Episcopal Diocese of West Virginia did not.
It condemned the Duke’s Mayo Bowl for allowing “an abomination in the eyes of the Lord.”
There were multiple instances in which ESPN encouraged the use of mayonnaise on a pepperoni roll. Originally conceived as a coal miner’s lunch, pepperoni rolls are a huge deal in West Virginia and nearby regions of Appalachia.
The Mountaineers were playing in the game, so the broadcast frequently combined the presenting sponsor’s product with the state’s famous snack. It happened more than once!
Pepperoni rolls with bacon-and-tomato (Barrie), fire-roasted red pepper (Mullen), and unspecified (sideline reporter Harry Lyles Jr.). "West Virginia's defense and Malachi Ruffin gets stout like this bacon and tomato mayo. Bacon and tomato mayo, 8.5 out of 10." – Barrie. pic.twitter.com/VFONquo66e
— Awful Announcing (@awfulannouncing) December 27, 2023
That did not go over well with the Episcopal Diocese of West Virginia. It represents 55 churches around the Mountain State.
Episcopalians in the Mountain State are wild and wonderful Christians, formed by the rugged and resilient Appalachian terrain we witness and worship in. Being grounded in our worship and in our relationship with Christ, and with one another, we find our witness in the present moment, especially to “strive for justice and peace” and to “respect the dignity of every human being,” as we affirm at our Baptism. We offer our witness as Jesus did, for the least, the lost, the misunderstood, and those on the margins who have no one to speak for them.
— The Episcopal Diocese of West Virginia
Apparently, the pepperoni rolls dipped in Duke’s Mayo went against the Episcopal Diocese’s beliefs. God will not stand for such a combination of food and condiment! Anyone who has consumed a pepperoni roll with mayo must repent for their sins by either: burning a couch or visiting the Mothman statue in Point Pleasant, West Virginia.
ESPN’s Matt Barrie, Dan Mullen and Harry Lyles Jr. are among those who must make proper contrition. A woman in the stands may also be included in that list.
However, there is some debate about whether she actually dipped her roll in mayo.
Hopefully, for her sake, the roll never made contact with the Duke’s Mayo. Otherwise, she unknowingly committed a mortal sin that can only be forgiven by the special dispensation from the clergy of West Virginia. God may soon smite her without her having any idea of her wrongdoing — unless the roll was kept dry.
Moving forward, we have been warned. Do not dip your pepperoni roll in mayo!