The Flyers’ New Mascot Gritty Had A Debut That Included Wiping Out And Blasting Someone With A T-Shirt Cannon

Yesterday, I was sitting around minding my own business when a shiver suddenly went down my spine.

I had no idea what cause this moment of eternal dread, but minutes later, I realized there had been a great disturbance in the universe thanks to the Philadelphia Flyers, who opened a portal to Hell and unleashed a demon in the world in the form of its new mascot Gritty.

It was at that moment I realized there was a chance I wasn’t going to be able to sleep last night— if ever again.

Gritty’s debut sparked a rash of reactions online from people who wanted the monster to go back to whatever dimension it came from, but sadly, no one was able to banish it back to the underworld before the Flyers faced off against the Bruins in a preseason matchup on Monday.

It only took a little while before things spiraled out of control.

Gritty kicked things off with a bang after commandeering the t-shirt cannon, where it neglected its duty of giving branded apparel to the masses in favor of repeatedly blasting some guy on the ice in the most Philly debut possible.

https://twitter.com/orangeandsass/status/1044372945802588166

Is there a chance this was a preplanned stunt? Maybe, but in my opinion, it’s just a preview of the destruction it will eventually unleash upon the world.

As far as I know, one of the prerequisites for being the mascot for a hockey team is being able to stand on the ice but it appears Gritty didn’t get the memo.

I didn’t think anything could be more unnerving than the photo that accompanied Gritty’s reveal but I was quickly proven wrong when it decided to cap off a whirlwind of a night by channeling its inner Kim Kardashian.

If you need me, I’ll be looking into the price of apocalypse bunkers. I think I’m going to need one sooner than I thought.