Yup, the blow job girls who hide under locker room benches until summoned are the highlight of every NFL facility. They rank a mile above everything else, including free food, massage therapists, giant buckets of leprechaun gold and the on-site dry cleaning service whose sole bragging right is that they’ve never lost a single dress shirt in their 20 years of business. Again, us peasants have to go to crack-alley hookers if we want designated blow job girls — we’re not “fancy” enough to have them just waiting around at our disposal. Which is a bummer, because I could really use one to clean my apartment 7 days a week along with the occasional load of laundry. Yes, I know neither of those tasks include giving a blow job, but I figure “blow job girl” basically equates to “indentured servant” in which case I’d rather have her doing something useful than just spitting on NFL dick 24/7.