Iowa Hawkeyes Come Up With Great Way To Make Iowa Hawkeyes Games Watchable

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The Iowa Hawkeyes were perhaps the least-watchable team in all of FBS college football a year ago.

Sure, there were teams that were worse than the Hawkeyes. But even those teams were sometimes entertaining.

The same could not be said about Iowa, who averaged just 251.5 yards and 17.7 points per game.

In fact, the Hawkeyes have been one of the most painful teams to watch for a while now, regularly ranking among the worst offenses in the country.

Iowa’s offensive has been so bad that offensive coordinator Brian Ferentz (who coincidentally just happens to be the son of head coach Kirk Ferentz)  had to sign an amended contract that reduced his pay but offers incentives should he meet certain (relatively low) benchmarks.

“For Ferentz to return to his previous two-year rolling contract, the Hawkeyes must reach a mere 25 points per game — by any means, including defense and special teams — in 2023,” CBS Sports’ Sheyhan Jeyarajah wrote. Additionally, the Hawkeyes must reach seven wins, which includes a potential bowl game. Ferentz accepted a $50,000 salary decrease to $850,000 for the season. If Ferentz fails to meet either of the two incentives, his contract will officially terminate on June 30, 2024.

Now let’s get to the point.

Watching the Hawkeyes isn’t very fun. Unless you’re an Iowa State fan.

But you know what is fun? Hot dog cannons.

Sports fans are simple creatures. We can easily be manipulated by both food and free things. So Iowa is combining both.

Tyler Tachman of the Des Moines Register reports that the Hawkeyes plan to unveil “Der Viener Schlinger”, a hot-dog-shaped hot dog cannon.

Funnily enough, Wimmer’s Meats is providing the glizzies for the occasion and is a Nebraska-based company with Austrian roots. And “The Wiener Slinger” more properly translates to “Die Wiener Schleuder.”

But hey, let’s not get hung up on the small things.

Tachman reports the hot dog cannon will be unveiled on Kids’ Day at Kinnick on Aug. 12.

Iowa’s regular-season opener is against Utah State on Sept. 2.

Your team may still be awful to watch, Iowa fans, but who can argue with free meats from cannon?!