This Guy Didn’t Just Beat American Ninja Warrior’s Mt. Midoriyama, He Destroyed It

American Ninja Warrior is one of the most frustrating shows this earth has ever seen. I watched it for the first few seasons but this year I had to stop. For one, Matt Isman and Akbar Gbaja Biamila are the most insufferable duo on TV; their forced excitement is EXCRUCIATING to listen to. Secondly, until the show reaches the finals in Vegas, it’s too formulaic. Every episode is two hours long and for the first 90 minutes all you see is people failing to complete the bullshit preliminary course. That is all that happens. Every. Goddamn. Episode. Well, that and some footage showing how the next participant willingly lives close to the poverty level to chase his dream of becoming the first American to win the $1,000,000 grand prize or has built an entire America Ninja Warrior course in his backyard.

I gotta tell ya, nothing beats the joy that comes in seeing someone who built a recreational salmon ladder in their back yard lose on the salmon ladder. Just pure joy.

But sometimes the show makes for great TV, like last year when Kacy Catanzaro became the first woman to qualify for the American Ninja Warrior final. Or this year when Isaac Caldiero, a busboy by day, won $1,000,000 becoming the second American, but the fastest man, to complete the entire finals course this year.

Geoff Britten, also did it. And he did it FIRST. But he was two seconds slower than Caldiero so he didn’t get a $1,000,000. All he got was pride. Whoopie!

Hollywood Reporter even asked the show’s executive producer, Kent Weed, if Geoff would get anything at all for having been the American ever to complete the course.

So Geoff doesn’t get any prize money even though technically he was the very first to beat the entire course?

By the rules, the money goes to the fastest person. If there’s more than one finisher, the one with the fastest time gets it. As much as the money is a wonderful prize and life changing, he does get the great gratification. I don’t think he harbors any ill will about it. He’s just so happy to have done what he’s done. He’s received tons of accolades from fans. He’s such a great guy, and a family man. He’s a hero to his kids and his wife. Geoff said to me, “If I was going to be beat by someone, I’m glad it’s Isaac.” And I think Isaac would have felt the same way if the roles were reversed.

Yes, Kent, I’m sure everyone who competes on the show is just so jazzed to be a part of this little fraternity that the $1,000,000 doesn’t mean anything to them. Moron.