This comes as news to me, but apparently Jordan Spieth and other pro golfers try to keep track of adults who ask for their autograph. Why? Because they don’t want anyone profiting off their John Hancock. Can I say that I blame them? I cannot.
This week, Spieth is playing in the AT&T pro-am at Pebble Beach and during a practice round he encountered a rude “fan” who was acting like a fucking cocksucker in front of children. This fan (see: fucking cocksucker) also seemed like a professional autograph seller and things got ugly when Jordan refused to sign stuff for him.
According to USA Today
That’s when, according to Spieth, one of them dropped an “F-bomb in front of three kids” and he responded to the “scums.”
“Scums?” What is this the 1950s? Who the fuck uses that term? Anyway…
“I felt the need to turn around and tell them that that wasn’t right,” Spieth said ahead of his fifth start in the AT&T Pebble Beach Pro-Am. “And couple of them were saying, ‘You’re not Tiger Woods, don’t act like you’re Tiger.’ I mean it’s just like, whatever, guys. You’re still trying to benefit off me and I’m not even Tiger Woods. So, you know, what’s that say about you?”
I don’t know where I stand on this. I get that Speith is upset and he doesn’t want someone else profiting off his fame, but is this autograph hound any different than the paparazzi who follow celebrities around for profit? I don’t think so. They’re just cocksuckers who sell photos instead of autographs. There’s more than one way to suck a cock, ya know?
I’m not appreciative of people who travel to benefit off other people’s success,” Spieth said “I enjoy signing and sign for kids whenever we get the chance. And when these guys have these items that you’ve already seen online and people … our team keeps track of that kind of stuff. And these guys that just have bags of stuff to benefit from other people’s success when they didn’t do anything themselves. Go get a job instead of trying to make money off of the stuff that we have been able to do. We like to sign stuff for charity stuff or for kids, and if you ask anybody universally it’s the same way.”
Here’s a question. How can these golfers be so sure that none of these kids are being used as cheap labor to get more autographs to sell? If I were in the “selling athlete autographs for profit” business, the first thing I would do after hearing Spieth’s press conference is completely overhaul the way I do business. I’d immediately hire 20 kids and deploy them at sporting events. I wouldn’t even hire cute kids either. Give me the ugly, fucked up looking kids that look like this could use a win. Athletes would feel bad for them and want to sign their shit, because there’s no way you can deny a down-on-his-luck kid an autograph, right? That’s your new recipe for guaranteed Hancocks. The profit these kids would bring in would more than cover the cost of admission. You’re welcome for your new business model, “scums.”