Kacy Catanzaro Will Never Get Past the First Leg of the ‘American Ninja Warrior’ National Finals Course, Because It’s Bullshit

by 4 years ago


Kacy Catanzaro is 5-feet tall. Her wingspan isn’t AT ALL freakish for her size. She was sadly reminded of those exact physical limitations when she attempted to beat the Jumping Spider during the first leg of the American Ninja Warrior National Finals course. In fact, the obstacle is total bullshit…for her. When she was fully extended, she was still so far away that I don’t think she could ever overcome it. And, like a lot of people, I was only watching to see if she could.

The Jumping Spider is her Ivan Drago, and although I hate myself for it, right now I’m Adrian standing at the top of the steps telling Rocky he can’t win because I’m an unsupportive piece of shit. Watch it for yourself below, but unless American Ninja Warrior alters their course in some way, because RATINGS MATTER, I don’t think Catanzaro will ever leave the Jumping Spider dry.

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