The New England Patriots Have Drafted French Montana (Judging By Mac Jones’ Pre-Face Scan Madden Avatar)

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If NASA put in half the sweat equity into Mars as EA does into its face scan technology, I’d be typing this from the red rock with two extraterrestrials on each arm.

But alas, we live in a world where advances in video game technology crop up annually and at any point we could all be wiped out by an asteroid.

In 2019, Electronic Arts and Canon constructed a mobile capture rig that has 17 Canon EOS 5D Mark IV or Canon EOS Rebel SL2 cameras on it to capture the faces of thousands of athletes featured in its video games.

Here is hoops influencer Tristan Jass getting his dome scanned by the portable paparazzi for NBA Live ’19.

Tommaso Boddi/Getty Images for EA NBA Live 19

As a stark reminder of just how important the technology has become, please feast your eyes on this screenshot of pre-face-scanned Patriots rookie quarterback Mac Jones.

Some are saying Mac, who in real life looks like a living manifestation of a Christmas Claymation character, looks like a young Judd Apatow in his Madden ’21 avatar. But a 61 overall ranking is no laughing matter, especially considering the Alabama product pinned himself as a solid 85 during draft media proceedings.

In between taking snaps for Bill Belichick, the Patriots new quarterback will be dropping mixtapes and dating Kardashians. 

The bad news is that the Madden Curse doesn’t hold a candle to the Kardashian Curse.

Getty Image Composite

Mac Jones looks more like French Montana than Khloe Kardashian looks like Khloe Kardashian.

I’ll refrain from any further digital shaming of EA Sports seeing as the company typically rolls out their mobile capture rig in July. Outside of Joe Burrow’s Christmas ham neck, it’s tough to criticize the authenticity.

Carry on.

Shameless Self-Plug Alert: I’ve started an Instagram news Series called The Friday 5 at 5, detailing the five best stories of the week with dirt poor graphics. New installments release every Friday at 5. Below was this past Friday’s. Give it a like and I’ll buy you a Heineken.


Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.