Manti Te’o Hoax Gets the Taiwanese Animation Treatment and It Involves Butt Chugging

I was going to end this post after my high praise of the Taiwanese, but I can't because I'm still dumbfounded, and slightly outraged, that anyone in his position and college social standing would give up innumerable amounts of vaginal intercourse with the willing chicks at Notre Dame to listen to a dying chick (that he never met) breathe on the other end of the phone every night. Who among us actually believes that? I sure as shit can't, but that's the story we are now being sold. And to me, it seems conveniently incomplete. 

Also, I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall when they ordered the code red on Lennay. How did that all shake out? There is so much missing to this story, like why she had to get hit by a car or even die. Seems unnecessary when she could have just, ya know, dumped him. And when the mastermind behind this hoax decided she had to perish how did they settle on leukemia? Did they put a bunch of diseases on a Wheel-of-Fortune-type wheel-of-death and leukemia hit? I want answers goddammit.

J.Camm is the Managing Partner and Editor-in-Chief of BroBible.