Michigan Radio Host Delivers A Truly Epic Monologue Calling The Wolverines ‘Ohio State’s B*tch’

Michigan Radio Host Monologue About The Failures In Ohio State Rivalry

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This past Saturday, for the eighth straight time, the Wolverines of Michigan lost to the Buckeyes of Ohio State. Even worse, the Wolverines lost to those Buckeyes by an absolutely embarrassing score of 56-27. Even worse than that, this whooping took place at the Big House right there on the UM campus.

That latest indiginity was more than radio host Mike Valenti of 97.1 The Ticket in Detroit could take when he hit the air this week.

In his opening monologue, Valenti delivered a sports rant for the ages, calling Michigan head coach Jim Harbaugh a bully and saying Michigan is “Ohio State’s b*tch.”

“What are we doing here?” Valenti begins his rant. “Jim Harbaugh is now 0-5 against OSU and every year it’s not a matter of whether they will, but how badly they will tax that ass. Michigan lost 56 to 27, somehow outdoing 63-39.”

“Playing the victim, it’s all your head coach does,” he continued. “Harbaugh’s a bully. Oh, he’s big and bad when he’s out there pounding on the weak or he’s firing off tweet wars or he’s able to go out there and beat teams he’s just appreciably better than, but then after the game he gets asked a very measured question: ‘Is it a talent gap? Is it a coaching…’ ‘I’ll answer your questions, not your insults.’ What? Now, see that’s the problem. You’re playing the victim. See, playing the victim is a really easy way to go through life. Playing the victim is like if you’re the kid born into money, who still turns out to be a cokehead idiot. But you blame everybody else for your problems.”

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“That’s what Michigan football is,” Valenti added. “You’re the rich kid who ends up being a loser.”

Valenti goes to address Michigan fans’ claims that Ohio State wins because they cheat, or that Michigan is academically superior, “Cool story, bro. No one cares. Second of all, no you’re not … your own coach made fun of your academics.”

“Your coach ain’t special, and we’ve talked about this before,” he went on. “Took over five years ago and the gap’s wider now than the day he got here. And that brings us to the last part: the distraction from reality. Here’s the reality. You lost 56 to 27. You have been, are now and probaly will continue to be Ohio State’s b*tch. They will continue to put lipstick on you. They will continue to spank you. They will continue to do as they wish. You are nothing.”

And that gets us to around the halfway point of his monologue. He goes on to accuse Harbaugh of bilking fans of their money and much more. It’s quite entertaining. Listen to the full rant below.

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