Michigan State Bro Wins World Series of Poker


Riess' victory was an epic tale in the continuing war of the Bro v. the Douche. In head-to-head play, he beat a VIP club promoter, Jay Farber, who brought fans that ESPN charitably called “stylish club kids with tight T-shirts and slick hair.” (We'd go with Douchenozzles.) Farber spent much of the match shit-talking Riess on subjects like the city of Detroit, Riess' FLOW, and the performance of Calvin Johnson. Riess stayed relatively quiet.

The bro got the last laugh. at the final table, he took advantage of a 19-million chip lead to play aggressively, chipping away at Farber's stack until the 29-year-old was forced to make a last stand with a $14 million all-in bet while holding a queen and five of spades. Riess knew he was bluffing, called his bet, and won the bracelet. He now, hopefully, will ball the fuck out.