Which NFL Coaches Would Be The Best Standup Comics?


Jonas Gray’s breakout performance last night led to a deep dive into his past for clickable content. As a result, we got this video gem from 2011 in which the former Notre Dame running back opened for King of Comedy Dustin Diamond.

Our own resident expert, Chris Illuminati, was not entirely blown away by Gray’s performance. I found it serviceable but I don’t have a very good sense of humor.

The clip did make consider an important question: which NFL coach would be best at standup comedy.

Based on absolutely no research, here is what I think:

1) Rex Ryan

Topics covered: Weight, bizarre sexual fetishes, regrettable tattoos, snack food

2) Tony Sparano

Topics covered: Vision, fake funerals, classic HBO series, name confusion

3) Pete Carroll

Topics covered: 9/11, conspiracies, sportsmanship

4) Marc Trestman

Topics covered: Canada, turf management, monitoring his daughters’ social media accounts, smoking

5) Chuck Pagano

Topics covered: Cancer, deep voices, Parks & Recreation

6) Tom Coughlin

Topics covered: Punctuality, cold weather, gun control, Rex Ryan

7) Andy Reid

Topics covered: Babies, mustaches, Donovan McNabb’s vocabulary, playoff pressure

8) Jim Harbaugh

Topics covered: Khakis, social norms, anger management, Michigan football

9) Sean Payton

Topics covered: Mardi Gras, crime and punishment, accents, Drew Brees’ height, Roger Goodell

10) Bill Belichick

Topic covered: Cincinnati

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