NFL Fashion Review Week 5: Baker Mayfield Went The “Urban Sombrero” Route And Jarvis Landry Ate Pizza

by 2 months ago

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Heading into Week 5 of the NFL season, the only thing we knew as a certified fact by gameday was that the Lions and Packers would 100% still have their respective BYE Weeks. Everything else was an ever-changing, bumpy ride that saw the Patriots-Broncos MNF game get postponed and learning that the Bills and Titans will now play on… Tuesday.

OK, if you can you comprehend the above tweet from Adam Schefter and provide a succinct summary, congratulations, you’ve just won every prestigious award on the planet, and that includes a Teen Choice Awards Surfboard.

In some super shitty news that you already know, Dak Prescott went down with an incredibly gruesome injury and all I can say is I hope the guy gets better. Unfortunately, that’s not what Tony Dungy — who reached Assclown Level 43 — had to say.

Precisely what everyone was thinking. Jesus, man. Get a grip.

Anyway, I think that’s more than enough deflating talk for now, so without further ado — whether it’s fire, fierce, funny or fail — let the high-flying elbows begin with reckless abandon.

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NOTE: The Chargers and Saints along with the Bills and Titans will all be added when those games are played. For the latter, IF is probably a much better word than “when” at this point.

Right off the bat we’re gonna go with whoever this is on the Raiders solely because it’s exactly the needed message at this very moment. A “SHUT UP!” shirt and a peace sign. Fair and balanced.

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All in.

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Russell Wilson

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🐐 x 🐐

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Does this look like the face of a man who rips your heart out in a more violent manner than what we witnessed in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom? No, actually it is not. Russ looks like that guy who sincerely wants to know how your weekend went and how your parents are. Alas, this man is a relentless menace who should be feared at all times regardless of his disarming demeanor. Unrelated: The Sue Bird jersey is phenomenal.

Dak Prescott

Get back here soon, Dak. Elite efforts like this one simply cannot be duplicated.

Travis Kelce

Tremendous Frère tracksuit from “Killa Trav” but all I can focus on is the pinky ring. A hilarious, not-so-subtle addition to complete the circle.

Myles Garrett

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@flash_garrett clockin’ in

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I guess it was Frère tracksuit week because Dwight Howard wore one the other day too. Out of the three — and I can’t believe I’m saying this — Myles in the pink getup wins in a close one.

Baker Mayfield

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📍CLE

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While it’s not quite as ridiculous as Elaine’s “Urban Sombrero” that never made the Peterman catalog, any time Baker makes these hat attempts it provides a similar amount of humor. Also, I greatly appreciate the comparison to Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music.

Josh Allen

My thoughts before the game: Josh Allen looks focused and ready to roll. The haggard appearance is actually a very good thing because it means he only cares about one thing and that’s WINNING. Let’s see how this pans out. UPDATE: Whoops! Titans 42, Bills 16.

Tyrod Taylor

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The Safety Off 📝| @TyTaylor

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I don’t give a shit if Herbert took over and Ty doesn’t get any snaps, no one does it better. Once the king, always the king.

Derrick Henry

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Tuesday Night Football ✨🔥

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This is business casual for Derrick Henry, and that especially made sense for Tuesday night’s game against Buffalo since they’ve been hitting stop and go with the Bills for a good week trying to get this game in. But I love the classic AJ1s and love the continued killer instinct even more. Get well soon, Josh!

Cam Jordan

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Mr @camjordan94! 🔥

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Cam Jordan checking in from a whole different level. This is some RUN DMC shit, only with more leather and less Adidas. The hat alone is worth all the bonus points. Keep going, sir. You too, Demario Davis.

Lamar Jackson

There are chains and then there are Lamar Jackson’s chains. He’s leading the pack by a healthy margin.

Patrick Mahomes

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Bring on Vegas 😎

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It’s a simple equation. Arrive without that signature sizzle, you pay the price. Raiders 40, Chiefs 24.

Andy Dalton!

Hell yes, Andy Dalton. Red Rifle hadn’t taken a meaningful snap since last December, and that was after shamefully being benched by the Bengals for a month, but his hair has staunchly refused to take a single day off throughout that entire span.

Daniel Jones

Daniel Jones seen here in his usual state of comfort, ease and absolute certainty. Don’t know how he does it!

Joe Burrow

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Wheels down, masks up ✈

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The old before and after effect: Step off the plane like you’ve got a GQ shoot, lose the game and look a little dazed and distant. Aaron Rodgers is the absolute master at this any time the Packers lose.


DeAndre Hopkins

https://www.instagram.com/p/CGLG17OlycH/

DeAndre Hopkins carrying an iridescent Louis Vuitton bag that matches perfectly with his shoes is a skill you can’t teach. Neither is reaching 9,000 yards at age 28, with only Randy Moss, Calvin Johnson and Larry Fitzgerald doing it faster.

Joe Flacco!

This freeze-frame of Flacco is EVERYTHING. It’s like Zombie Joe Flacco never left us, not even for a minute. The best part about Zombie Joe is the Jets could’ve either won 84-0 or lost 14-13. Impossible to read.

Lamar Jackson & Hollywood Brown

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Locked in.

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Hollywood Brown’s Supreme x Smurfs GORE-TEX jacket is pretty sublime and 100% suits his personality, just a little terrified to see the price tag because it will be more offensive than a room-clearing wing fart.

Cassius Marsh!

The NFL has apparently given rebirth to memorable NBA player Chris Andersen in the form of Jaguars DE Cassius Marsh. So far he’s pitching a perfect game, as exhibited by this throwback Vince Carter Raps’ jersey.

Zeke Elliott

Another gem for Zeke from Gents Playbook. The juice box is a nice unexpected touch.

Jarvis Landry


Jarvis Landry kicked off his postgame presser by eating a slice of pepperoni pizza and even managed to wear a shirt that matched the pizza. Not sure I’ll ever be able to utter such words again, so thanks, Jarvis.

Vance McDonald

Much like Vance McDonald, I too love and live for country jams and Chevy commercials.

Gardner Minshew

Hair parted down the middle and a Tedeschi Trucks Band t-shirt? Gardner Minshew will never, ever stray off-brand.

Josh Jacobs

A tie-dye Gushers hoodie!?! Well god damn. This is heroic, iconic, and several more words of similar ilk.

Keenan Allen

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we out here ⚡️

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Keenan Allen is wearing a mask that says “you’ve got a friend in me” and it’s not just because he may or may not be a super nice guy, he apparently wears it because he’s “always open.” Love it. Every quarterback needs a best friend. Nice of him to be there for young Justin.

Ben Roethlisberger


Big Ben’s Status: Improving! Looks like he might “ribbit” or “meep” at any given moment, which is fine in my book.

RELATED: Mike Tomlin is a quote machine that cannot be stopped or derailed.

Drew Brees

Wasn’t able to find any Matty Ice photos this week but there’s no need to panic thanks to Drew Brees, CEO of The Fire Fit Factory.

Justin Herbert

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bayou bound.

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Rookie Justin Herbert looked unbelievable against the Saints on Monday night and the Chargers should’ve won if not for the DOINK on a 50-yarder, but he most certainly does not look good here and could use a hat. In fact, make that TWO hats. This, however, is great: “Yeah, just call me Herb.”

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you heard it here first

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Julio Jones

For the 63rd straight week — and that’s not an exaggeration by any means — Julio Jones was photographed while intently staring at his phone.

Tom Brady

These Tom Brady postgame hostage videos are something I’m still getting accustomed to. It’s just not the same Sir Thomas dramatics that became the standard in New England, where it would look like he had plans to attend the opera or an art gallery opening after taking some questions.

On the bright side, Tommy Tantrum is back and I strongly encourage this behavior to continue for the next 12 weeks.

Cooper Kupp

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📍 #RamsHouse

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Wearing a jersey almost never misses and this extremely random Ken Griffey Jr. throwback is very much on point.

DeMarcus Lawrence

As the saying goes, DeMarcus Lawrence is a whole damn mood.

Jaylon Smith

The very same thing can be said for DeMarcus’s swaggy teammate, Jaylon Smith. Yeah, I said swaggy and I’m not taking it back.

Larry Fitzgerald

With the right kind of stare (glare?), the type that would fire directly through the soul of the lensman, this could be a menacing look. But nope, it’s Larry Fitzgerald. The guy is a walking Hallmark card.

Anthony Harris

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Sunday Night Football Vibes. ⏰

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WWE legend Bret Hart would often shout to a fiending crowd, “the excellence of execution!” And that’s what we have right here in Vikings safety Anthony Harris. Flawless effort.

Derek Carr

A few more weeks of this bland inspired behavior and you WILL have that Hanes t-shirt deal all locked up, Derek.

Robby Anderson

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The main Focus is remain Focused 🚀

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Robby Anderson finally looking cool and confident rather than someone who just watched Deer Hunter is a great sense of relief.

Jawaan Taylor

Literally ALL GUCCI EVERYTHING. Go off, king!

Jimmy Garoppolo

Love the jacket, hated the performance. Jimmy GQ has got to get his shit together ASAP.

J.J. Watt

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#HTown

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Who’s cooler than J.J.?

[say it with me]

NOBODY!!!

Nick Foles

My initial thought when I first noticed Nick Foles strolling the sidelines in this hat on Thursday Night Football was basically WTF — and I do realize it’s for a great cause — but then it grew on me to the point that I love it. #CrucialCatch

Kwon Alexander

A storied run in the WWE has to be the post-NFL career move for Kwon Alexander. Such a commanding presence and he’d probably be a wizard on the mic.

Marlon Humphrey

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Sunday best 🔥

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A white t-shirt tucked into dress pants doesn’t feel like an easy feat to pull off for the average human.

Kendrick Bourne

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Steppin’ out #MIAvsSF x #FTTB

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Someone actually posted in the comments “why they gotta dress like that tho” and I’m flat-out shook because Kendrick Bourne’s jacket is an outstanding work of paisley magic. Perfect for fall weather too, so kind of need one RIGHT NOW.

Jamal Adams

Eh, not a sweater guy and never will be. NEXT.

Chase Young & Friends

Forget what he’s wearing, pretty confident Chase Young could throw a Toyota Camry at least 15 feet and not miss a beat.

A Buc Draped In Velvet

Whichever Bucs player decided to completely drape himself in velvet should’ve been acknowledged and featured on his own by the Bucs social media team. Shame on them.

Roy Robertson-Harris

You would never know it but this is a 6’7, 300-pound defensive end. Another #BigManTailoring victory.

Akiem Hicks

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Dressed for a night on the town. ✨ #TNF

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“WELCOME TO DEATH ROW.” — Dr. Dre 1992, Akiem Hicks 2020

Anthony Sherman

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SHEEEEEERRRM 🎧

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Fullbacks are people too, so I apologize that Anthony Sherman is the very first one to be included five weeks into the season.

Teddy Bridgewater’s Feet

Teddy Bridgewater might be the easiest guy to root for in the entire NFL. Guy is out there writing children’s books and honoring his mother on his cleats. The best.

Malcolm Brown

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🖤

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Don’t care what brand it is, what the proper term is or how fashionable some may view it, this whole damn getup is completely ruined by the very forced MAN-PURSE.

Eric Kendricks

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Seattle wit it

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Eric Kendricks coupled a “Black and White Together” shirt with a pair of black and white Jordan IVs. Chess move.

Sean Payton

Love that Sean Payton looks three feet tall here. Not ideal!

Alex Smith!!!!!

YES! YES! YES! So genuinely happy for this dude. He didn’t need to prove a damn thing to anyone. I guess he just needed to prove it to himself, and he did. Unbelievable comeback. Alex Smith is as resilient as they come and if you’re not happy for him, you probably berate yourself in the mirror on a regular basis.

Writer, Editor, Comedian, and Fashion Critic. Currently in heated negotiations over the rights to Jack Sikma's striking perm and a mold of Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's glorious goggles.

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