‘Absolutely F*cking Not’: PGA And LPGA Tour Golfers Anonymously Answered If They Would Vote For Hillary Clinton

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My sincerest apologies to Jordan Speith for making him the face of this post, but he is currently the face of the PGA Tour and such is fucking life. So suck it up, Bro. There are worse things to be associated with than being a Hillary Clinton hater. For Christ’s sakes, you could be flagged as a Hillary Clinton supporter. THE HORROR!

Anyway, young Jordan’s feelings aside, Sports Illustrated conducted their yearly anonymous poll of professional golfers and one of the questions had to do with Hillary Clinton.

If Hillary Clinton could guarantee to cut your taxes in half and the Republican candidate would keep them the same, would you vote for her?

That’s quite the proposition. I like lower taxes. I like PROSPERITY! But would I sacrifice lower taxes if it meant keeping Hillary Clinton out of office? I don’t know. I am an uncompromisingly selfish person and in their scenario, Hillary Clinton in office means more money in my pocket. And more money in my pocket means I get to disappear from society to waste the rest of my life away on a golf course a lot sooner. Dammit. Even thinking about having to answer this hypothetically is tearing the ass out of me.

When PGA Tour pros answered this question, I wasn’t surprised by the results of the anonymous poll. I knew the majority would vote against Clinton. I was, however, kind of surprised by how the LPGA voted. You’d think they would have another woman’s back and be all like “HOORAY GIRL POWER!” and shit. But nope, turns out most of them would rather a Trump in office than a Clinton.


PGA Tour

No 56%
Yes 33%
Don’t care 11%

LPGA
No 44%
Yes 33%
No response 23%

Loose Lips: “Absolutely f—— not.”

CHAMPIONS
No 74%
Yes 14%
No comment 12%

Loose Lips: “I wouldn’t vote for her if she were the last person on Earth.”

The Champions Tour 74% majority has to be the least surprising poll outcome of all time. The 14% who dared answer “yes” are probably sleeping with one eye open these days.

[H/T Golf]