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Los Angeles Chargers quarterback Philip Rivers is very good at a lot of things: never missing a game (he has started every regular season game since September 11, 2006), not making it to the Super Bowl (he’s 5-6 in playoff games), and cranking out kids like he’s working on an assembly line (he and his wife Tiffany have nine of them).
What Philip Rivers is not good at, apparently, is growing a decent mustache.
Check out the sad-looking mouth mirken Rivers unveiled this week at the Chargers’ media session.
Here’s a better look at Phil’s flavor saver…
That’s… not good, Philip. Not good at all.
Even his own team’s Twitter account roasted Rivers for his lame cookie duster with a pretty amazing use of a clip from The Office.
Either Philip Rivers is the least self-aware individual in sports, or he absolutely does not give a damn what any other human being thinks.
Actually, he might be a little bit of both, now that I think about it.
Needless to say, fans had a lot of fun with Rivers’ lady tickler on social media with people comparing his new look to everyone from Lt. Aldo Raine of Inglourious Basterds to Pat Healy in There’s something About Mary.
Philip Rivers has a mustache. Repeat. Philip Rivers has a mustache. This is not a drill pic.twitter.com/1JyuXsDZjC
— Eric Stangel (@EricStangel) October 30, 2019
When did Philip Rivers become Matt Dillon? pic.twitter.com/bwZzMrzr1s
— Jeff Haseley (@JeffHaseley) October 31, 2019
Is...is Philip Rivers in the running for Ole Miss AD? https://t.co/fqRCDja8YL
— Karen Howell (@karenehowell) October 30, 2019
Philip Rivers mustache better be for a costume. pic.twitter.com/hGpAte7Icl
— WhiskeyOverMilk (@whiskeyovermilk) October 30, 2019
Philip Rivers looking like the first guy brought in for questioning on an episode of Law and Order. Didn’t do it, but gets roughed up pretty good by Briscoe and Green
— Sons of Lou Brown (@SonsofLouBrown) October 30, 2019
Philip Rivers has a little Lt. Aldo Raine going on with his mustache. pic.twitter.com/KDXxGZzmnX
— Will Brinson (@WillBrinson) October 30, 2019
Philip Rivers's attempts at disassociating himself from the mistake known as the Los Angeles Chargers has taken a new turn. pic.twitter.com/xIhqSRd5mX
— TJesus (@TJCarpenterShow) October 30, 2019
Philip Rivers, the french painter. - pic.twitter.com/jupzMuUdsv
— Coleman Patrick Ranahan (@colemanranahan) October 30, 2019
Philip Rivers and his new mustache are gonna lead us to the Super Bowl.
Game changer.
— AJ Mitchell 📸 (@Mitcherooney_95) October 30, 2019
Much more robust and alpha than the Philip Rivers stache... Packers by 21 this Sunday https://t.co/mfqkiigIsP
— Bill at least six feet away Walsh (@BillatCBS58) October 30, 2019
Truth.