Good for Rickie Fowler. Now let’s go ahead and make the rest of this hole-in-one write up all about me and my issues. Mmmmk?
In all my years of playing golf — some of which were at a fairly high level — I have never had a hole-in-one and I have also only witnessed one; my mother made one on Christmas day a few years ago much to mine and my father’s chagrin.
I want one. I want one REAL bad. But I also have some anxiety about it. What if I’m having a terrible round and I decide to put a shitty ball into play and then BLAMO!, a hole-in-one happens? What then? Do I have to tell people I used a Pinnacle gold with path marks all over it or can I pull out a crisp Pro-v1 and put that on the bookshelf next to the plaque that I will obviously by myself? That’s a real dilemma. That’s a real fear of mine. Could be what’s holding me back from jarring one? Maybe? MAYBE?
Another anxiety I have is telling the local paper my club selection. I hit it pretty long so it shouldn’t be a problem for me, but what if I were facing gale-force winds and I had to club-up three extra clubs? I would never want to see my ace in the local paper or tell anyone that I got a hole-in-one on a 140-yard hole using a 7-iron and suddenly be known as the town bitch. I’m a distance guy. I’d crumble under all the “does your husband play?” comments. Would ruin me forever.
You know what? I’m glad I don’t have a hole-in-one. It’s much less stressful to hit it 310 off the tee and then make a double from 80-yards out.