The Sh*ttiest Things That Happened In Football This Week


FOX Sports

Being a football fan can be rough, so join us in paying homage to the things that happened in college and pro football that probably left you as pissed off as we were, slamming beers back and tossing the remote at the TV out of spite and shock.

These are the F you moments from this week that we’re still talking about.

6. Andrew Luck’s Fantasy Stats


For all intents and purposes, Colts quarterback Andrew Luck was supposed to be the No. 1 fantasy passer in 2015, set to take over the league and become the next great player at the position.

Key word? Supposed.

Week 2 was unkind to Luck and his Colts offense, as he tossed three picks against the New York Jets in a loss that dropped Indy to 0-2.

As for those gaudy fantasy numbers Luck was expected to have, well, he had just one touchdown and three picks against New York, leaving you pulling your hair out that the centerpiece of your fantasy team, more than likely, cost you a win this week.

5. Notre Dame Safety Drue Tranquill’s Knee Injury

Whether you’re a Notre Dame football fan or not, you’ve got to have sympathy for a kid who tore his ACL by, wait for it, celebrating a pass deflection.

Say what you want to about players showboating and all that shit, but when ND safety Drue Tranquill leaped up to chest bump a teammate, it was nothing more than standard practice for football players celebrating a big play.

Oh, except for the fact that he wasn’t able to stick the landing without his knee being royally fucked, costing him his season.

4. Alabama Crimson Tide Fans

If you would’ve told me that, playing at home against the Ole Miss Rebels, the then No. 2-ranked Alabama Crimson Tide would be getting humiliated on national TV at home, causing Tide fans to roll out of Bryant-Denny Stadium, I would’ve called bullshit.

Yet, there they were, leaving late in the third and midway through the fourth quarters because their team was getting fucking manhandled by the Rebs.

// a more hilarious note, Tide fans are, by far, the most animated in all of college football, giving some memorable reactions to the simplest of things, so that was a joy to watch as TV cameras caught them looking as depressed and shocked as humanly possible.

3. Texas Kicker Shanks PAT, Loses Game

Is there a more disheartening way to lose a game than what happened in the Texas-Cal game this weekend? I’ll answer that for you, because the answer is no.

The Longhorns, who have fallen WAY OFF in terms of national intrigue, leaving that whole “Hook ‘Em” thing just seem silly now, fought back from a 20-point deficit in front of their home crowd to, potentially, tie the game on a simple PAT after a touchdown in the final minute.

So what happened? Their poor kicker forgot to do the ONE FUCKING JOB he has on the football field, make the extra point, shanking it to the right and costing his team a chance to tie, ultimately, coming up one point short.

2. Jamaal Charles Fumbles Away The Game

Now, don’t get me wrong, Kansas City Chiefs running back Jamaal Charles is one of the top backs in the league, routinely putting up big numbers on the reg.

But, to say that he’s had a little trouble hanging onto the rock would be an understatement, with the guy having the ball slip out of his hands an insane 13 times in the past three seasons before this one.

The first fumble he had in 2015 proved to be one of his worst ever, though, as, playing for overtime against the Broncos, Charles got stripped inside his own 20-yard-line, leading to a scoop-and-score for the Broncs defense for the leading/winning score.

Losing on a shanked PAT is miserable, but seeing a 14-point swing in 40 seconds definitely rivals it.

1. The Philadelphia Eagles’ Offense


Wait, THIS is supposed to be the high-powered, fun, imaginative, explosive, new-age offense in the NFL? Sunday’s Eagles-Cowboys game sure looked like Philly players were still drunk from a night on the town, because they were pathetically embarrassing.

Quarterback Sam Bradford looked as comfortable throwing the ball as you or I would look while talking to a supermodel at the bar, and running back DeMarco Murray, well, last year’s league rushing champ has had a historical drop-off in production.

No, seriously, Murray has rushed for just 11 YARDS ON 21 CARRIES in 2015 so far, with his Week 2 stat line against his former team pathetic as all hell—13 carries, 2 yards.

If it seems like the Eagles are the butt of jokes everywhere this week, there’s a reasonable explanation for it—they whiffed of rancid ass on Sunday.