Lions’ Snacks Harrison Breaking Down In Tears While Revealing His Broken Body May Force Him To Retire Will Give You Goosebumps

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Call me old-fashioned, but nothing gets me wetter than raw human moments from pro athletes. I mean wet as in tearful, you sicko. But gold star for me for sneaking the words ‘wetter’ and ‘raw’ in a sentence not about sex. I deserve a golden shower.

In the latest installment of Why Am I Crying In This Denny’s I Didn’t Even Follow His Career That Closely?, Detroit Lions nose tackle Damon “Snacks” Harrison gave an incredibly humble interview following the Lions season-ending loss to the Packers Sunday.


Now close your eyes, imagine you are a guy, like say, Antonio Brown, and attempt to read the following words in his voice:

“Nobody is more disappointed about this season and my performance than I am. I am hard on myself. I have given everything to every team I have played for. I don’t feel bad if that’s the decision (retirement). I got a lot of thinking to do this offseason. I am going to seek some different options and try to figure it out. If I can’t be that guy that I want to be, then, I have to hang it up because everybody deserves better.”

If you were to read that in Antonio Brown’s voice, then congratulations, your imagination is more expansive than mine. This would require a little something called personal responsibility and honest introspection.

If your eyes aren’t wetter than a pack of chicks when I rock my jean cargo shorts and Abercrombie Undefeated Season tee.


“I gave it everything I had, even when it wasn’t good enough.”

Snacks’ body went through the ringer this season, as the former first-team All Pro was on every injury report dating back to Week 8, with some weeks listing as many as three separate injuries.

Lions head coach Matt Patricia lauded Snacks for his effort under intense circumstances.

“I give him a lot of credit,” Patricia said. “He came out every single week and tried to do everything he could to help us and battling through all that stuff and show up on Sundays and try to be the anchor in the middle of our defense. So just appreciated his efforts to do that every single week and how hard he worked to do that. It’s a violent game, especially in the middle. He’s in there every single week trying to slug it out, so appreciated that a lot.”

Long live Snacks.

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Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.