Oddly Convincing Tailgating Warrior Gathers A Crowd To Explain Why The 1-5 Jets Are Going To Make The Playoffs


At the time of me writing this, the New York Jets hold the second worst record in the NFL, reside in the basement of the AFC East, and are losing to the 3-3 Ravens at home. Oh, and Geno Smith just started hobbling.

But, as Andy Dufresne once said before sludging through miles of shit to freedom, “Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things. And no good thing ever dies.” The beauty of being an NFL fan is the blind confidence, the delusional expectations. For a good minute and a half, this tailgating superhero just made me forget that I have a better chance at getting a date off Black People Meet than the Jets do at sniffing the playoffs.

This dude belongs in a locker room. He could convince my ex that I’m the best sex she’s ever had. And I have a micropenis. I mean. Bye.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.