Texas Coach Jeff Banks Weds Stripper ‘Pole Assassin’ Whose Monkey Allegedly Bit Trick-Or-Treater

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Texas Longhorns special teams coordinator Jeff Banks got married over the weekend to his longtime girlfriend Dani Thomas.

Or, as you might know her, “Pole Assassin.”

If that name rings a bell, it’s because Thomas is the stripper whose emotional support monkey (which also dances with her!) allegedly bit a trick-or-treater a few years back, giving us the college football story of the year.

Pole Assassin Shares Messages After Wedding To Texas STC Jeff Banks

Thomas posted pictures of the wedding on her now-private Instagram over the weekend as well as the following message:

“Here’s some photos …First of all let me start saying, thank you to everyone for helping me turn this into the best day ever. When I was a kid I daydream(ed) about being a wedding planner, so my husband trusted me to plan our wedding. And this was a day I got to see my hard work pay off for six months I have been decorating, making floral for arrangements, putting details on everything. Now I can finally breathe. I absolutely love that.

“I got to decorate the day before and seeing all my hard work and dedication artist ability. It made it so much more special to me. I had so much fun arranging flowers and planning. Shout out to all my friends who’s never done something like this before, thank u for letting me guide you, thank you for believing in me.”

There is … a lot going on in that statement.

But you know what, she seems happy and Banks, who left his family for Thomas (now Dani Banks) also seems happy. So uh, I guess love wins.

Banks (née Thomas) was also wildly successful in her full-time job as a stripper. So if head coach Steve Sarkisian ever gives him the boot he won’t need to worry about finances.