Look, guys, I totally get it. New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady is, deep down, the biggest man crush for each and every one of us. He’s got the supermodel wife, the mega-contract, the rings, the individual accolades, the underdog story… I’ll just stop there.
That said, 2015 wasn’t exactly the year of Tom Terrific, yet, for some God forbid reason, GQ Magazine just named Tom Brady their Man of the Year, making me wonder what in the hell the people who make such a decision are mixing into their morning coffee.
In fact, if you did a month-by-month breakdown of Brady’s calendar year up to this point, you could argue that it’s actually been one of the worst for a pro athlete in recent memory, with his short- and long-term legacy hanging in the balance, his marriage almost falling apart and the court of public opinion all but questioning the validity of Brady’s accomplishments even before the whole DeflateGate shit that happened.
So, what does the Man of the Year do when told he would be interviewed by GQ for the feature? What any questionable villain might do—he ran as far away as he possibly could without saying no. According to Chuck Klosterman—the reporter set to sit face-to-face with Brady—here’s how Brady and his “people” wanted the interview to go down, via GQ:
I’m interviewing Brady at a complicated point in his life. There are several things I want to ask him, almost all of which involve the same issue. I’m told Brady’s camp has agreed to a wide-ranging sit-down interview, where nothing will be off the table. The initial plan is for the meeting to happen in Boston, and it will be a lengthy conversation. Two days before I leave, Brady’s people say that the interview can’t happen face-to-face (and the explanation as to why is too weird to explain). It will now be a one-hour interview on the phone.
Of course, Brady not wanting to talk to Klosterman eye-to-eye doesn’t admit guilt, but it raises red flags since, you know, DeflateGate is the ONE FUCKING THING that everyone and their mother, father, brother and sister wants to know about. Give us something, Tom!
Oh, but Brady comes from the Bill Belichick School of Public Relations, so he dodges, ducks, dips, dives and ducks questions faster than a kid playing dodgeball in gym class. Here’s more of the interview showing Brady cowardly escaping questions about DeflateGate, via GQ:
There’s one element of the Wells Report that I find fascinating: The report concludes that you had a “general awareness” of the footballs being deflated. The report doesn’t say you wereaware. It says you weregenerally aware. So I’m curious—would you say that categorization is accurate? I guess it depends on how you define the word generally. But was that categorization true or false?
[pause] I don’t really wanna talk about stuff like this. There are several reasons why. One is that it’s still ongoing. So I really don’t have much to say, because it’s—there’s still an appeal going on.
Oh, I realize that. But here’s the thing: If we don’t talk about this, the fact that you refused to talk about it will end up as the center of the story. I mean, how can you not respond to this question? It’s a pretty straightforward question.
I’ve had those questions for eight months and I’ve answered them, you know, multiple times for many different people, so—
I don’t think you have, really. When I ask, “Were you generally aware that this was happening,” what is the answer?
I’m not talking about that, because there’s still ongoing litigation. It has nothing to do with the personal question that you’re trying to ask, or the answer you’re trying to get. I’m not talking about anything as it relates to what’s happened over the last eight months. I’ve dealt with those questions for eight months. It’s something that—obviously I wish that we were talking about something different. But like I said, it’s still going on right now. And there’s nothing more that I really want to add to the subject. It’s been debated and talked about, especially in Boston, for a long time.
I realize it’s still ongoing. But what is your concern? That by answering this question it will somehow—
I’ve already answered all those questions. I don’t want to keep revisiting what’s happened over the last eight months. Whether it’s you, whether it’s my parents, whether it’s anybody else. If that’s what you want to talk about, then it’s going to be a very short interview.
So you’re just not going to comment on any of this? About the idea of the balls being underinflated or any of the other accusations made against the Patriots regarding those first three Super Bowl victories? You have no comments on any of that?
Right now, in my current state in mid-October, dealing with the 2015 football season—I don’t have any interest in talking about those events as they relate to any type of distraction that they may bring to my team in 2015. I do not want to be a distraction to my football team. We’re in the middle of our season. I’m trying to do this as an interview that was asked of me, so… If you want to revisit everything and be another big distraction for our team, that’s not what I’m intending to do.
And with that, bros, your Man of the Year clearly exemplifies everything that a real man should be, using every excuse he can to give us the same old reply that we all expected and showing a cowardly demeanor—which, again, I completely understand.
Maybe I’m just naive to think that a Man of the Year recipient is supposed to be a hero, a leader, a gentleman and a class act. While Tom Brady is without a doubt the greatest quarterback in NFL history and, over the years, showed these characteristics, his trials and tribulations over the past 11-plus months have been anything but great, and for this, GQ did an injustice to guys everywhere by acknowledging him as the man of 2015.
You can peep the entire interview on GQ.com.