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ICYMI: We’ve got some BIG news to share. We’re partnering with John LeFevre (the guy behind the @GSElevator Twitter account and author of “Straight to Hell”) to bring you some brand new, insightful and witty content. 

First up: we recorded a podcast diving into some of John’s favorite stories from his time as a banker, how @GSElevator came to fruition, his book deal (and the controversy surrounding it) and some advice he has for young professionals. Listen here.

 

THE HEADLINES

Estimated Read Time: 3 minutes and 22 seconds

 

DON’T JUDGE A ‘BOOK BY ITS COVER

It seems only fitting that Facebook’s annual developer conference is called F8, the same button you mash on your PC to enter ‘Safe Mode.’ The social media equivalent of Apple’s WWDC hasn’t disappointed thus far with some mega-announcements …

In a relationship: If there’s one way to win over privacy-paranoid millennials, it’s giving them an easier way to get some strange. Facebook will implement new features to facilitate online dating.

“Clear History”: It appears that males with an internet connection and empty apartment won’t be the only one “clearing history.” Facebook’s new feature will allow users to decide how much of their browsing history is shared with the site.

Honorable mentions: Facebook also managed to get droves (read: a few hundred) of tech nerds hot and bothered by releasing the $199 Oculus Go VR headset, and announcing “3D photo support” and a Messenger redesign.

Water Cooler Talking Point: “This is such a brilliant idea that it’s really surprising it took Facebook this long to do it. I have a feeling a lot of people in our demographic are going to be getting step-moms and dads very, very soon.”

 

TIME TO FACE THE MUSIC

Gibson, the Nashville based guitar builder founded in 1894, and the official ax of Jimmy Page, B.B. King, Slash, and other greats, is filing for bankruptcy protection. Gibson has been reeling from a steady drop in sales over the last decade. You mean Kevin with the face tattoo at Guitar Center wasn’t hitting his sales quotas?

The bankruptcy decision was made easier by looming debt maturities of almost $500M over the next several years. The graduates of the School of Rock were also burned by the purchase of Philips’ consumer electronic arm in 2014.

Fear not. Rising like a Phoenix from bankruptcy, Gibson plans to refocus on its core business: making products meant to be shredded.

Water Cooler Talking Point: “Focusing on your core business model always seems like a sound idea, doesn’t it? A legendary guitar maker filing for bankruptcy protection is the business equivalent of the Rolling Stones coming out for an encore and seeing that all the fans went home.”

 

POWER (RANGER) MOVES ONLY

Toy-maker Hasbro announced that they are buying the 25-year-old Power Ranger franchise from creator Saban Entertainment, for $520M. Although “creator” might not be the right word since the series is a blatant ripoff of a Japanese-made “Super Sentai” series.

The “Play-doh” and “Monopoly” maker has been reeling after announcing poor earnings largely due to the recent bankruptcy of Toys R Us. But it turns out they didn’t have all of their toy eggs in a Fisher-Price basket.

Hasbro also generates revenue from movies based off its toy series. And they aren’t just remakes of My Little Pony, though that’s a tried and true formula. Hasbro produced over-the-top Transformer and GI Joe films in the early 2000’s. With 25 years of the same script and interchangeable villains, The Mighty Morphin Movie series fits right in with that strategy.

Water Cooler Talking Point: “This 40-minute recap of Season 1 Episodes 1-60 of Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers put me through so many emotions, and took me back to a time when stopping Rita and Goldar from trying to take over Earth was all that mattered.”

 

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IN OTHER NEWS

 

• Apple will finally be putting its massive stockpile of cash to use as it plans to buy back $100B worth of shares. The only external shareholder left will be the ghost of Steve Jobs. RIP In Peace.
• Cisco will acquire Accompany for $270M. The Ac-Company builds databases for people and relationships via AI. The future is now.
• Snap fell short of their revenue projection for Q1. They blamed their failed app redesign. Their shares fell on the news. Same old sh*t, different day.
• Goldman Sachs has agreed to pay $110M stemming from FX traders improperly sharing information about clients. No word if the information was exchanged in the elevator. 
• Last week WeWork sold $702M worth of bonds. This week those bonds are worth 95 cents on the dollar. The irony? 702 is considered a lucky number within the company, hence the seemingly obscure amount.
• Xerox CEO Jeffrey Jacobson will resign amid activist investor pressure. Investors, including Carl Icahn, opposed Jacobson’s proposed sale of Xerox to Fujifilm and a New York judge recently halted the sale claiming Jacobson was simply trying to save his own job.
• US indices were mixed yesterday:
  • DOW: -0.27%
  • S&P 500: +0.25%
  • NASDAQ: +0.91%