Why ‘Mean Girls’ Is the Most Bro-Tastic Movie of All Time
The Plastics were the “It Girls” of their Evanston, Illinois high school and could do whatever they wanted based solely on their hotness. Sound familiar? Cady Heron was that nice awkward kid that you befriended in high school because they were somewhat intelligent and kept you honest. Her character basically proved a point to all people that it’s not our fault that we’re assholes. It’s you annoying trolls that make us this way. Having a friend like Gretchen Wieners was necessary for two reasons, you always need an attractive sidekick, and her mom let her drink with her (…and Amy Poehler would have been a funny fuckin parent to have). If I were a chick and one of my friends had a special power, I would want it to be predicting the weather with her boobs, too. But for serious, the two sidekicks might have been hotter in actuality, but the bitchy persona of Regina was pretty fuckin’ hot in its own right.
Point being, bros are trendsetters at an early age. Having stereotypical archetypes is completely necessary in bro culture from a young age. Even in a large group of notably attractive, intelligent, athletic individuals, there still stands to be someone that is known for being very outgoing, funny, shy, or flirty.
Regina George strung along the coolest guy in school, Aaron Samuels (who’s not very bro, and not because he’s gay), and was the original author of “The Burn Book”. She could have come up with some better insults, but I always wonder why I wasn’t able to come up with something like that in high school. Unfortunately, kids have digital versions of the book these days and that’s how lame ass movies like Cyberbully end up getting made. But the point of this post isn’t to glorify that kind of shit, just everything else that would likely make karma want to hit you with a bus.
The hot girls weren’t everything that was bro about this movie, even the nerds were cooler than most kids at your local high school. Kevin Gnapoor was a rapping lothario. He’s like the new-age band geek. And we know how much play those kids get. And if you like gothed up vamp-looking chicks, Lizzy Caplan is running around school. Now she's a possibly-lesbian, super hot topless actress in Masters of Sex. If ever there were a perfect make-believe principal, then Tim Meadows is that guy. He’s seriously funny as fuck in this movie. And Tina Fey is a pretty classic drug-pushing math teacher. Bros that like boy bands and Disney movies fit under this particular category of awesomeness. Knowing literally every word from Mean Girls is hardly something to be ashamed of. The following are most bro of all:
“I’m sorry that people are so jealous of me, but I can’t help it that I’m so popular.”
“I know she's kind of socially retarded and weird, but she's my friend… so, just promise me you won't make fun of her!” — Eeveryone has one of those.
“Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant and die! Don't have sex in the missionary position, don't have sex standing up, just don't do it, OK, promise? OK, now everybody take some rubbers.” — Things many Bros never listened to
“Somebody wrote in that book that I'm lying about being a virgin, 'cause I use super-jumbo tampons, but I can't help it if I've got a heavy flow and a wide-set vagina!” — Doesn’t everyone have that problem?!?
“I'm sorry I called you a gap-toothed bitch. It's not your fault you're so gap-toothed. She's fabulous, but she's evil. — Everyone’s a hater.
“I gave him everything… I was half a virgin when I met him!” – How many times did you hear that in high school?
“Oh no, I can't say anything else until I have a parent or lawyer present.” — A Bro's life in a nutshell.
“At your age, you're going to have a lot of urges. You're going to want to take off your clothes, and touch each other. But if you do touch each other, you *will* get chlamydia… and die.” — People like sex. Also… STD's happen.
“One time, she punched me in the face. It was AWESOME.”