True story: the first and last time I took a shower cum shot straight to the face it went straight up my nose, effectively drowning me until I choked it out my mouth and laid on the floor in a fetal position for a few minutes.
And while that experience was traumatizing, it doesn’t even compare to Redditor _itsybitsythrowaway_’s experience that left her the laughing stock of her office:
I’ll start off by explaining that the days leading up to this horrible event were spent on a family camping trip, so no sexy times had been had for several days (not too keen on doing it in a tent several meters away from parents/siblings). The boyfriend and I got back from the camping trip very very late that Sunday night, both of us were exhausted and pretty much fell asleep when we hit the pillow. So no sexy times were had that night either.
Cue Monday morning. We’re both in the shower about to get ready for the day when things start getting a little frisky. I decided that for putting up with my family all weekend he deserved a little something special, so I ventured down south and did my thing.
Up until this point in our relationship I had done shower blowjobs before but I had never finished him off in there, usually moved things to the bedroom after the shower. Well, since he hadn’t been taken care of in a few days it was a massive load. I’m talking at least a shot glass full, all over my face, chest, and arm.
Now, most of you guys reading this know that when cum mixes with warm water it becomes even stickier, not unlike crazy glue. Oh how I wish I had known this. The extra time spent in the shower that morning didn’t give me a whole lot of time to prepare myself for the day as I normally would. So I threw my hair up into a ponytail, got dressed, put on a little mascara, and left for work.
As I’m driving my skin starts feeling tighter and tighter. Every time I move my face I can feel something pulling at all the tiny hairs on my cheeks. By the time I get to work I’m freaking out a little (thinking I’m having an allergic reaction to something). I immediately run into the work bathroom to examine what the fuck was going on with my skin. To my horror, my face looked like fucking Goldmember.
I tried rubbing the cum flakes off but it stung like hell and made some areas crack even more, making it look worse. So I splashed (warm) water all over my face and chest trying to get it off. Awesome! It’s gone! I leave the bathroom to go meet my coworkers at the van to head to the worksite for the day. As I’m sitting in the van I can feel my face tightening up again. Noooooooooooooo. Please no, please please please. Sure enough I check my face at the worksite and I’m Goldmember again, although not as bad as it was originally.
Now, all my coworkers are guys, and I knew that they knew. I tried playing it off that I got a sunburn on the camping trip and it was peeling (it wasn’t a very sunny weekend so I’m pretty certain they knew I was lying). I got weird looks from them for weeks after this. Maybe one day I will have the courage to ask if they knew or not.
I now know that getting cum off of skin requires COLD water. Really wish I had a time machine to inform past me of this fact. Definitely one of my more embarrassing moments that pops into my head late at night when I can’t sleep.
Tl;dr:
[Via Reddit]