Oprah Made More Money Through This ONE Tweet About Bread Than You And I Will Make In A Lifetime

Fuck Oprah. Seriously.

My father started a masonry company at the tender age of 25 with nothing but a bag of mortar, a few bricks, and the signature Keohan big swingin’ dick. He grew it into one of the biggest construction companies in the great state of Massachusetts but murdered his back, broke ribs, and risked his goddam life on 100-foot staging just to provide for my piss-ant brothers and I.

Now I am NOT saying Oprah doesn’t deserve everything she has, I’m just saying, ya Oprah doesn’t deserve everything she has. No one person who is worth $3 billion has actually contributed that amount to society. Economies of scale up the anus. My dad’s built four movie theaters, eight Wal Marts, and a few houses and he can’t even afford to buy me Tinder Premium. Work harder, dad. Do more. This signature big swinging dick ain’t going to suck itself.

The WONDERFUL Oprah, on the other hand, made $19.2 MILLION for sending out one tweet about bread.

You ready for it?

BOOM!

According to USA Today, by sharing this tweet, Weight Watchers stock shot up 20%, closing at $13.29 a share.

As a result, Oprah — who owns 6.4 million shares, or roughly 10% of the stock, according to data from S&P Capital IQ —earned $12.5 million dollars on a single tweet, or more than $3 million an hour.

Add in her 3.5 million Weight Watchers’ stock option, which she disclosed in October, and Oprah made a whopping $19.2 million Tuesday, or close to $5 million an hour.

Let’s see how much Weight Watchers is willing to cough up after I dropped this FIRE bread tweet in the face of my 244 followers.

I prefer check or money order, bitches.

P.S. Fucking bread isn’t as fun as it sounds.

[h/t USA Today]