Professor Creates Hangover-Free Synthetic Alcohol That Could Change Your Life And Save Your Liver

By 09.23.16

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A new type of synthetic alcohol has been created and provides all of the fun parts of being drunk without all of the nasty hangover maladies that come with heavy drinking.

WHERE THE FUCK WAS THIS LAST NIGHT WHEN I DRANK HALF A BOTTLE OF MAKERS MARK 46 BOURBON WHISKEY?!?!?

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This gift from the almighty gods above is called “alcosynth,” and is said to be hangover-free meaning no dry mouth, nausea, and a throbbing head.

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(Or you could just smoke weed)

This magical elixir was created by Imperial College professor David Nutt, who was a former government drugs advisor in the United Kingdom.

“We know a lot about the brain science of alcohol; it’s become very well understood in the last 30 years,” said Nutt. “So we know where the good effects of alcohol are mediated in the brain, and can mimic them. And by not touching the bad areas, we don’t have the bad effects.”

Nutt’s team has been researching substances that work on the brain in a similar way to alcohol. Professor Nutt claims that he has designed a drug which is non-toxic and replicates the whole getting fucked up part of alcohol minus that whole waking up feeling like death feeling.

“It will be there alongside the scotch and the gin, they’ll dispense the alcosynth into your cocktail and then you’ll have the pleasure without damaging your liver and your heart,” he said. “They go very nicely into mojitos. They even go into something as clear as a Tom Collins. One is pretty tasteless, the other has a bitter taste.”

Besides getting rid of debilitating hangovers, alcosynth would also not be a health risk and not damage your heart or liver.

(Or you could just smoke weed)

Nutt said he has patented around 90 different alcosynth compounds and two of them are now being rigorously tested for widespread use. He believes that alcosynth could completely replace normal alcohol by 2050.

Is it 2050 yet?

How bout now?

Now?

Please.

Too bad North Korea thought of hangover-free alcohol first.

Great. Now there’s nothing from deterring me from getting fucked up every hour of every day. Hooray science!

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Until 2050, science says it’s best to drink blanco tequila.

[Independent]

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