Shirtless Jogger Bro Reveals He’s Single During A News Segment, Hundreds Of Chicks Slide Into His DMs

by 2 years ago

Typically, I’d find a way to take a steamy dump on a dude taking a shirtless jog in Chicago in mid-December. We get it bro, you take care of your body, just let the rest of us drink Ranch dressing from the bottle without feeling like sacks of shit. But even though my man Ethan here seems like the dude who jogs in place at a ‘Don’t Walk’ sign, I gotta give him a pass.

Instead of announcing he’s vegan and does Crossfit as I expected, Ethan turned a cringeworthy, force job of an interview into a genius self-promotion ploy by declaring he’s single to all of Chicago, effectively swiping right to the entire Windy City in one fell swoop. Ethan’s video has gone super-viral–being viewed over 1 million times in just under 12 hours, amassing 17,000 likes and 9,000 shares on Facebook. He also claims to have over 900 new friend requests and countless private messages.

Droves of women took to the Chicago’s WGN TV Facebook page to thirst over Ethan. If this is any indication, I can’t imagine how many more graphic private messages he’s received.

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Some dude fed up with the newfound fame Ethan has received did a bit of research on him, finding his blog which indicated he’s addicted to porn. LOLOLOL.

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I gotta come to Ethan’s defense on this one: if he’s a porn addict, I probably am too.

The type of porn may differ, though, according to this dude.

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Odds Ethans waxing his carrot right this second to the amount of DMs he’s received: 6,000%.

[h/t Uproxx, WGN TV]


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