Titled Trump Temptation: The Billionaire & The Bellboy, the glorious “novel” (it’s 10 pages long, but if anything deserves to be described as a “novel” it’s a Donald Trump porno book) was written by 22-year-old comedian Elijah Daniel, who says he managed to write the entire thing in just four hours while drunk. If you’re on the fence about who to vote for in the upcoming election this book won’t sway you one way or another – but if you’re looking to masturbate along to sentences like:
‘My loins trembled as the scent of toupee adhesive and spray tan swept through my nasal cavity’
‘His gorgeous ass flapped behind him like a mouthwatering stack of pancakes in his pants. My hunger for pancakes had never been stronger.’
‘I had to admit it, I wanted his geriatric 2006 Perez Hilton jello body, and I wanted it bad.’
‘The door creaked open and there he was, handsome as ever, like a giant melting fat carrot with fake hair.’
Then this sure as hell is the book for you!
While the book has only been on sale for one day, it’s already amassed over 40 reviews on Amazon, ranging from:
To:
This book purports to have it all. Why the fuck are you even still reading what I’m writing? Trump Temptation: The Billionaire & The Bellboy is only $1.99 on Amazon, and with the impending east coast snopacalypse we both know you don’t have shit else to do besides masturbate and…well, masturbate some more to this book when your spank bank finally runs dry (gonna be a LOT of jerkin’ off this weekend, that’s for sure).
[H/T Metro]