“Hey, in your own words, how do you best describe Charles Barkley?” That’s easy, I can’t. The dude’s a little bit of everything. He’s funny, he’s brash, he’s nice, he’s tough. The guy’s like a quilt made out of a little bit of everyone. However, one thing I can say about Charles Barkley is that the dude loves money. Or maybe he hates it? The way he gambles it, one would think that he hates it and wants it out of his sight. On the other hand, he obviously needs to have it in order to be able to gamble like that. Which is why I’m pretty bamboozled about why he would turn down a multi-million dollar payday that would entail him creating a Twitter.
I kind of want to call bullshit on this one. What is he so afraid of? It’s 2016. Everyone has a Twitter. You’d have to tweet like one lukewarm take a day to get paid. “I think the Warriors will be tight next season.” Awesome. Thanks Chuck. Here’s $3 million. Why wouldn’t you take this? Maybe because no one offered it you and you’re trying to shove your own political mumbo-jumbo down our throats. I think the question really is “What does he say in text messages that he’s so afraid of accidentally Tweeting?” I’ve done that. It’s 2 AM and you’re ready to start shooting off those “you up?” texts because your drunk and sad and think maybe you met a girl at a party who hates herself just as much as you do but you accidentally tweet it instead. I mean, it sucks because your dick is dry, but also, it’s a retweet powerhouse. But seriously, what is he saying in private that is not worth $3 million if it gets out? Is it ‘you up?’ texts or is it something much, much worse?
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