Every week celebrities go on Twitter and speak their minds. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re thought-provoking, and sometimes we don’t know what they’re talking about. This list is all of that and more. Strap in. It could get bumpy.
Photo credit: eldh, Flickr
I had a nightmare last night that I was buying a USA Today and someone recognized me.
— Joshua Malina (@JoshMalina) August 5, 2013
Y'all getting ready for work n shit huh?
— Chad Johnson (@ochocinco) August 5, 2013
Shut up, Ocho.
Pat O'Brien is like what would happen if Martin Mull was hit by some kind of cocaine bizarro awful ray
— Julie Klausner (@julieklausner) August 5, 2013
Getting suspended for 211 games and making your season debut on the same day is the most A-ROID thing ever.
— Jim Rome (@jimrome) August 5, 2013
It really is.
I think A Rod got Cameron Diaz on roids because Bad teacher was just little too funny.
— Chris Rock (@chrisrock) August 5, 2013
Was that a burn on Cameron?
The curse of having funky fresh shoes: everyone knows it's you in that bathroom stall
— Lena Dunham (@lenadunham) August 5, 2013
I know, sucks right?
For those trying to text or call..my phone just fell into an airport toilet..awesome..I'm sure it will die soon..
— Erin Andrews (@ErinAndrews) August 5, 2013
It probably died the split second it hit that water.
— CM Punk (@CMPunk) August 5, 2013
So will it be called The Amazon Post?
— Mo Rocca (@MoRocca) August 5, 2013
Don’t bet against it.
Hey airlines, it's a seat belt, not a rubik's cube. We got this. #overtheoverheadannouncements
— olivia wilde (@oliviawilde) August 5, 2013
Said everyone, on every flight, ever.
Reminder: Please just hit the "RT" button on my tweets if you're ugly. Don't want people associating your busted face with my art.
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) August 6, 2013
Gotta protect the brand.
I wonder if searching for voter fraud has ever uncovered widespread morgue fraud instead.
— Megan Ganz (@meganganz) August 6, 2013
Think about it then you’ll get it.
Retweet if you agree: Homeownership in America should be built on a durable and fair system. #ABetterBargain
— Barack Obama (@BarackObama) August 6, 2013
POTUS still trolling so hard.
My mom called Alex Rodriguez, "A-Roid" then paused for laughter. We've now been on the phone in silence for 23 minutes.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) August 6, 2013
Please tell me that didn’t make you at least chuckle.
Forgot my ex’s birthday but remembered the shit out of his netflix password.
— Melissa Stetten (@MelissaStetten) August 6, 2013
I know I'm tired when shopping feels like a daunting task!
— LeAnn Rimes Cibrian (@leannrimes) August 6, 2013
This laundry room is hot as balls but I'm FOCUSING THROUGH THE PAIN. COMPETITIVE SPIRIT CANNOT BE STOPPED. #sofocused
— Chris Kluwe (@ChrisWarcraft) August 6, 2013
Way to fight through it, Chris.
"Should we go with Johnny Football or Johnny Good Decision Maker?" "I guess Johnny Football?" "OK."
— Seth Meyers (@sethmeyers) August 6, 2013
Watching a riveting interview where Ryan Seacrest asks Selena Gomez about her time working on her first project "Barney". Zzzzzzz
— Katrina Bowden (@KatrinaKBowden) August 7, 2013
Quick, someone change the channel!
Men are pigs! A guy just whistled and said 'damn girl' while holding a rose I'm assuming for a woman. Crawl away you horrid creature!
— Ellis Cooper (@EllisCooperx) August 8, 2013
Sorry about that.
Nearly got out my scissors this morning after seeing @Beyonce 's pixie cut. I only just managed to restrain myself. Close call though..
— Emma Watson (@EmWatson) August 8, 2013
And millions of young men about had a stroke.
When I absolutely must get laid, I hit a boat show.
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) August 8, 2013
— Barack Obama (@BarackObama) August 8, 2013
Timely and very important tweet, Pres.
If you can't handle my blackouts, you don't deserve my brunch invitations.
— Alison Forns (@alisonforns) August 9, 2013
We fully support her stance on this.