Every week celebrities go on Twitter and speak their minds. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re thought-provoking, and sometimes we don’t know what they’re talking about. This list is all of that and more. Strap in. It could get bumpy.
Photo credit: eldh, Flickr
From now on, I’m doing the Beyonce boss walk everywhere.
— NiC0LE P0LiZZi (@snooki) February 4, 2013
When I don’t understand a movie poster I just assume the movie is based on a young adult novel.
— Ben Schwartz (@rejectedjokes) February 4, 2013
Seems like a reasonable policy.
I just made a cup of coffee and didn’t put any sugar in it for the first time ever, cuz that’s the kind of brave fuckin hero I am.
— erinn hayes (@hayeslady) February 4, 2013
That’s the kind of attitude that’s made America great.
The people who deliver room service are consistently unrapeable. Touché hotel management.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) February 4, 2013
They aren’t in management for nothing.
Victoria’s Secret reps were nasty to @kateupton and now she is doing great.
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) February 4, 2013
Thank you, Mr. Obvious.
A-ROD? 19 injections? Allegedly. Is he a member of the Yankees or Motley Crue?
— Jim Rome (@jimrome) February 5, 2013
Vince Neil is offended by this remark.
Drinkin’ Bud, Pissin’ Blood — you’re welcome, country music songwriters
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) February 5, 2013
I’d pay good money to hear Carrie Underwood sing that line.
Lindsay Lohan was turned away from two hotels last week. Mary and Joseph had an easier time finding a room.
— Joan Rivers (@Joan_Rivers) February 5, 2013
That’s actually pretty good. +1 Joan.
Yes, i agree with the ppl who argue that cars can be as deadly as guns but a car is a lot harder to get through the door of a classroom. ;^]
— Jim Carrey (@JimCarrey) February 5, 2013
Shh. Don’t give the kooks out there any ideas.
Big cheers to the man outside Ari’s house who just saw my boobs. Mazel Tov.
— Elizabeth Gillies (@LizGillies) February 5, 2013
Sometimes I feel like The Bachelor is an artificial construct and not the best way to find a soulmate. Then I shake it off.
— Joshua Malina (@JoshMalina) February 5, 2013
Way to fight through it, Josh.
— Jason Whitlock (@WhitlockJason) February 5, 2013
Let’s just say everything is bad for us and not talk about it anymore.
Got a callback for the role of “poop girl.” Hollywood really IS the land of dreams!
— Melissa Stetten(@MelissaStetten) February 5, 2013
All of the greats started in roles with “poop” in the characters’ name.
They should make a medal for anyone that uses a whole tube of Chapstick before losing it.
— Bree Olson (@BreeOlson) February 5, 2013
No point. It’s never happened.
Just went through security and a TSA employee looked at me and said, “Tell me a joke.”I just said, “You’re good at your job.”
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) February 6, 2013
That would have killed with a rimshot accompaniment.
— Kim Kardashian (@KimKardashian) February 6, 2013
Or Armenia. One of those places.
Did they name it “Movie 43” after how many people saw it?
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) February 6, 2013
That’s a rather high estimate, don’t you think?
Absolutely nothing makes me happier than good music.
— Ariana Grande (@ArianaGrande) February 6, 2013
Well, then she’s never met any of us, amirite guys?
Patience is a necessary ingredient of genius. -Benjamin Disraeli
— Paris Hilton (@ParisHilton) February 6, 2013
Your moment of surreality.
You hear me…. “Get the hell out of here now”! My acting skills are ludicrous! #SVU
— Mike Tyson (@MikeTyson) February 7, 2013
God love Iron Mike.
If it’s wrong to have Ranch dressing for breakfast, then I don’t want to be right.
— Lucy Hale (@lucyhale) February 7, 2013
Sounds like a keeper here, fellas.
Megan Fox plays herself in a Motorola commercial and still isn’t convincing.
— Tim Siedell (@badbanana) February 7, 2013
Maybe she should go into car show modeling.
Friends don’t let friends tweet pictures of snow. We all know what it looks like.
— darren rovell (@darrenrovell) February 8, 2013
That is all.