Every week celebrities go on Twitter and speak their minds. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re thought-provoking, and sometimes we don’t know what they’re talking about. This list is all of that and more. Strap in. It could get bumpy.
Photo credit: eldh, Flickr
I firmly believe those Bud Light superstition commercials are making us collectively stupider as a nation. WAY TO SCIENCE THINGS, BUDWEISER.
— Chris Kluwe (@ChrisWarcraft) October 7, 2013
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There really is no argument the other way either.
No. It's a 30-way tie. RT @midafternoon @KeithOlbermann @wsfm the Braves clearly have the easiest hurt feelings in the league
— Keith Olbermann (@KeithOlbermann) October 7, 2013
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That’s probably very accurate.
I wish it was Sunday, everyday
— ireland (@IrelandBBaldwin) October 7, 2013
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Don’t we all, Ireland. Don’t we all.
Did Danny Woodhead just get posterized in a football game?
— Brandon McCarthy (@BMcCarthy32) October 7, 2013
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If that’s possible, I believe that he did.
At lunch with friends, funny how quickly the conversation turns to tummy tucks and vaginal rejuvenation
— RuPaul (@RuPaul) October 7, 2013
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And people say men are gross.
People ask me why I don't try writing a book. Well, every time I try, I CUNTFUCKCUNTFUCKCUNTFUCK. See? That's why.
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) October 7, 2013
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Today that would probably still sell a million copies.
How did people keep in touch with people they didn’t really want to talk to before texting?
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) October 7, 2013
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Anyone?
Forget everything you know about amnesia.
— Ben Schwartz (@rejectedjokes) October 7, 2013
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What was that?
Tis the season to put dick-shaped squash by your front door.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) October 7, 2013
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Have you bought your dick-shaped squash yet?
Stop tweeting your significant other.
— Amanda Seyfried (@AmandaSeyfried) October 7, 2013
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Everyone.
I don't need to exercise. I listen to conservative talk radio.
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) October 7, 2013
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Great for cardio.
There's never enough time on the couch.
— bob saget (@bobsaget) October 8, 2013
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Bob meet Ireland. Ireland meet Bob.
You know you are dressed in some seriously awful stuff when the Gatorade shower matches your sport coat.
— Jeff Passan (@JeffPassan) October 8, 2013
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The Craig Sager House of Style.
In a way, Gwyneth Paltrow's Oscar acceptance speech for Shakespeare in Love was the first issue of GOOP
— Julie Klausner (@julieklausner) October 8, 2013
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Never thought of that, but it’s pretty spot on.
I just ran out of Halloween candy 🙁
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) October 8, 2013
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Never buy it before October 30th, I say.
i'm thinking about writing a children's book called "my leg that has no foot." it's about a kid with a huge cock. new #tosh
— daniel tosh (@danieltosh) October 8, 2013
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Again, a million-seller.
"Do you have any pumpkin flavored beer?" – white people
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) October 8, 2013
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100% true.
yo @KateUpton n @HotPockets its all about #TeamCrust ya digg !! #YouGotWhatIEat #spon http://t.co/7Fy7MjSYvX
— Snoop Dogg (@SnoopDogg) October 8, 2013
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Yes, #TeamCrust, Dogg.
If someone ever dares you to do something inappropriate and you do it, it is never your fault. Place blame on the person who dared you.
— Jamie Kennedy (@JamieKennedy) October 8, 2013
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Also 100% true.
Kris Jenner is fighting to get sole custody of publicity
— David Spade (@DavidSpade) October 9, 2013
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And she WILL NOT lose.
If Lamar Odom and Khloe Kardashian can't make it, then…nothing I can think of.
— Joshua Malina (@JoshMalina) October 9, 2013
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Nailed it.
hey Theo @cubs I am in Flordia so is Sammy. think about it #cubseco
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) October 9, 2013
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Oh Lord.
This Jimmy Kimmel interview is the truth!
— Kim Kardashian (@KimKardashian) October 10, 2013
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Completely unbiased.
Kanye just beat the world record for longest sentence on a talk show.
— Melissa Stetten (@MelissaStetten) October 10, 2013
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Previously held by Kanye.
This news of Hayden Panettiere's engagement has completely derailed my day.
— Julie Klausner (@julieklausner) October 10, 2013
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I know, hard to concentrate here too.
If you really want a scary Halloween costume and live in a Tea Party district dress up as a fact. #GOPshutdown
— Adam McKay (@GhostPanther) October 10, 2013
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I’d don’t care which side you’re on, that’s funny.
"I follow back" is about as useful as saying "I'll swap one of my pennies for one of yours and we'll both be richer"
— Ricky Gervais (@rickygervais) October 10, 2013
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Also 100% true.
I'm done being embarrassed about my boring taste in sushi. If it looks like it killed Nemo's mom, I'm not eating it.
— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) October 10, 2013
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Aww, now we’re all thinking about Nemo and his poor mom.
Wife not buying that government shutdown includes all gyms.
— Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) October 10, 2013
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Good try though.
Underwear worn by “Walter White” sells for $9,900 http://t.co/RNQZbwZpYP
— darren rovell (@darrenrovell) October 11, 2013
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Have a great weekend, folks!