Back when I applied to colleges straight out of high school there were two universities that had basically the same essay requirement: Salisbury University, a kind of shitty party school in Maryland, and Boston University. Rather than write two completely different essays, I changed one or two sentences in my essay to BU, skimmed for clarity and sent it on its way to Salisbury.
Unfortunately for me the first sentence read, “I believe I would make a great fit at Boston University because…” You’d think that I got rejected from Salisbury, but it just goes to show what a shitty party school that place truly is because I still managed to get in, with a scholarship even! Unfortunately for Reddit user dougandskeeter, his job application to Harvard is probably doomed since Harvard is only slightly more prestigious than Salisbury. At the very least, he definitely made Dr. Person laugh…assuming he has a sense of humor. If not, then at least he made me laugh, although that isn’t saying much either since I laugh at anything and everything:
So, I found out I fucked up about an hour ago. My mom had to tell me because I’m such a fucking idiot. I was all excited about finishing my application, so I sent it to her. I’m applying for a position in this neurogenetics lab at Harvard Medical School. I spent all weekend and most of today finalizing my CV and cover letter. There were some formatting issues, I think because of the downloaded font I was using, which made the document on my computer look different than the emailed version. Because of this, I didn’t see that my highly profane, stream of consciousness, sorta high ramblings from last week (rough drafts), were still on the page, yet to be deleted..the kind of rough drafts that you never fucking show anybody-especially your extremely Christian mother and Dr. Person from Harvard Medical School.
But, because I’m an idiot and didn’t notice the extra pages at the bottom of my screen, Dr. Person will likely not be choosing me as his next lab technician. I’ll post some of the finer points below here in a second.
TL;DR: sent my dream job’s boss my notes – including “science is all around us,”- and other super insightful shit.
My girlfriend’s favorite bit: “My main goal in life is to be sciencing for a long time. Specifically as a neuroscientist. However, the exact place I’ll be working/what I’ll be doing remains to be seen. Maybe research it like this, maybe like that. I feel as though I am good at science and want to do science. So, it seems like a good match.”
Another: “Also, I know that a lot of the science in the brain is controlled by genes. You likes genes. So, it seems like a good match. You should hire me. I really want this job. I really want to go to Hahvad.”
Fuck me: “My time working with Dr. [advisor] has been hella helpful. I’ve learned a lot about lab work, responsibility, integrity, integration, synergy, widescale growth, etc…working with others, meeting deadlines…something focus. Also while working as his lab TA I learned hella shit about helping people. I’m super nice, wanted to be a teacher and shit. Plus im fast and I like skateboards. And I know lots about science.chemistry, biology, information, swag. Also I’m the founding vice president of the [school] Neuroscience Club.”
IV: “I am fascinated with understanding higher level cognitive areas in terms of their molecular underpinnings – including genetics, shit. Wondering if we gonna need some computational neuroscience up in this bitch. Particularly interested in consciousness and attempting to characterize it in terms of its molecular, circuit foundations. memory, language, and shit about.”
Hopefully this Bro’s knowledge about “science.chemistry, biology, information, swag” will be good enough to get him hired, regardless of his fuck up.