Study Reveals That College Girls Perform Way More Oral Sex Than College Bros Are Willing To Reciprocate (AKA You’re Selfish)

Bro, do you even go down on chicks? Is there a reason you’re avoiding a boxed lunch like a Candy Crush invitation from that sociopath from high school? See, me personally, I’m the Michael Phelps of muff diving. I legit have to wear a scuba suit during hookups. Do you know how difficult it is to keep a hard-on while taking off an oxygen tank a snorkel? No, no you don’t because you’re selfish.

Now look at us, we’re in the dog house again because you’re getting blowies like you’re going to prison the next day and avoiding eating out like you’re trying to save money.


A new study conducted by Trojan Sexual Health Division of Church & Dwight Canada reveals that women in college are giving way more slop jobs than they are receiving.

The study surveyed 899 heterosexual Canadian college students, and found that while 63% of the men surveyed reported receiving domeski as part of their most recent hookup, only 44% of women reported receiving the third base treatment.

What’s surprising about these statisdicks is that girls don’t even like giving oral as much as we say we do. The men surveyed were more likely than the women surveyed to describe giving oral ‘very pleasurable.’ 52% of male students were really excited about giving oral sex, versus only 28% of female students.

What we think they think:

What they really think:

Of course they’re not excited about voluntarily choking on our Sorry board game pieces. Blowjobs are way harder than eating out. I’ve never given one, but I can’t eat a popsicle without getting lockjaw. If I were to give one, the dude’s dong would probably end up look more hacked up than one of those spinning doner meats you see at one of those Turkish joints, sans tzatziki. Ok, I’m getting uncomfortable.

I contacted a few of my girl friends for comment but they declined to answer. Probably because they had a dick in their mouths.

[h/t Metro]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.