If you’ve ever attended or visited the University of Maryland and haven’t gone to a bar called R.J. Bentley’s, you done fucked up. Am I saying that because Bentley’s is a beautiful place full of great drink specials? Because the service is top notch? Because the clientele are generally classy mothafuckers?
Hell to the no.
Bents is a shithole. On any given night the place smells like vomit, the drinks taste like filtered ass water and the chances of seeing someone “subtly” peeing in a corner stay right around 85% up until midnight, where it skyrockets to 99%. You will be charged between $5 and $20 for cover, which you will bitch about since you literally paid money just to go and pay MORE money for shitty drinks and to be engulfed in a haze of bodily fluids that’s so thick your hair is damp by the time you leave.
But you know what? No one cares. Bents is the shit, minus the mile-long bathroom line that forms every single night. Every single night every toilet is clogged. I don’t know what the fuck you people are eating, but maybe DON’T eat Chipotle if you know you’re going to get mad burrito shits a few hours later when you’re at the bar. It’s okay though, because Bentley’s has a plan: get rid of the toilets.
Yep, that’s the middle stall of the women’s bathroom at Bentley’s.
There is no toilet.
There is only a bucket.
I’m not sure if it’s brilliant or disgusting. On one hand, who the fuck wants to shit in a bucket? All you toilet cloggin’ trolls best be holding it in until y’all leave now, which means no one has to go through the Guantanamo Bay-esque torture of unclogging those porcelain hell holes every night. On the other hand…what the actual fuck. This isn’t the stone age. We have a little thing called RUNNING WATER (unless you’re in Detroit, which UMD is not), so a poop bucket shouldn’t be necessary. I dunno, maybe it’s just me but simply closing down the stall all together sounds like a better idea than having a plastic chamber pot just chillin’ for everyone to use.
What do I know though? I’m dumb enough to keep going back whenever I’m in town.
[Toilet photo credit to Teresa Heuver]