I was once told that not one holiday beats the 4th of July. Doesn’t even beat the last day of the school year when you’re a little shit getting off the school bus. They said the grill, beer, and fireworks by the poolside is untouchable. I was an idiot. I needed to open my fucking eyes. The 4th of July is a beautiful American booze-dynamite fest, and don’t think for a second that I don’t love it so much. However, I’m talking about a much different day I (we) know all too well.
As the winter months begin to fade away, you stunning fellas are about to come out of your hi-bro-nation. My favorite day (more than my birthday) is very near. I’m speaking of Skirt Day. Yes, the one day during the spring semester when every smoke show within a 5 mile radius of campus breaks out her new skirt showing off those long legs that lead to nothing short of heaven. Unless you’ve been living under a fucking rock, you know it happens within the first few weeks after spring break at school when the temperature gets and stays near 60-70 degrees. The flowers begin to come out for pollination and shit and so does the sweet smell of punani. Typically, this not only enhances your (our) viewing pleasure while walking to class but you’re almost guaranteed that your favorite members of “tramp camp” at your DayLong will be decked out in almost nothing. Simplicty finally at its finest!
In simple words, your chill-to-pull ratio goes up faster than Brent Musberger’s shlong at the sight of Katherine Webb. When the weather is nice, so is your game. Spring is a time of renewal and rejuvenation. It’s a perfect time for you to not only finally take that 5 mile run because your fatass has not done anything all winter, but to call up Blowjob Brandy who things didn’t go so smooth with from last semester, to take her to your favorite sushi restaurant to rekindle the flame. Just kidding, that would require paying for lunch. But seriously, it’s time to dust off the Sperrys and throw on the polos boys. It is a fucking beautiful time of year and is so very close.
In hindsight of what is coming very soon do not fucking waste any time. Get all your bullshit homework done so you can go out on the quad with your elderly neighbor’s puppy you promised to take for a walk and just so happened to walk by on the quad with while looking like a sly mother fucker. Get your ass up, and into shape physically and mentally because spring is all too close. Skirt Day is close. And so is your ability to finally close on Blowjob Brandy. I know she’s waiting for you (us). Let’s get it boys.