Keohan
If I were to tell you on New Years Eve last year that the journalist who grilled Bill O’Reilly on national television on his sexual harassment allegations would have a goddamn button under his desk to lock his office door when a female staffer tried to escape, would you buy it? How about if I told you that 20-year-old Jake Paul, the dude who films himself dabbing on camera for 30 minutes at a time, makes more money than both of our dads combined? Or if fidget spinners would become the new national treasure? Yeah, smart money would be on none of that happening.
But, here we are, in weird times. Maybe not weirder than any other times, but with more and more people sharing their lives online, transparency is at an all-time high. The curtains have been drawn, and behind them, Harvey Weinstein is jacking off into a plant. The only thing I can remember that rivaled the head-scratching moments of 2017 was back in 2015, when Sony Pictures dished out a $30 million budget for Paul Blart Mall Cop: 2. That would be like the Fyre Festival bringing the music festival slash refugee camps back for an encore. Oh wait, they’re trying to. Because it’s 2017, and of course they are.
Reflection, both individually and societally, is a beneficial barometer to understand who we are and where we’re going. So, this weekend, while none of my friends were answering my phone calls, I decided to sum up 2017 in the best way I know how. Here is a sobering look at the current state of America through the eyes of a 30-year-old man-baby.
Bold prediction for 2018: Steve Carrell is going to kill a guy. Book it.