Maroon 5’s halftime performance met expectations. Adam Levine successfully made every aunt in America’s nipples hard, but for everyone else with functioning ear drums who don’t harbor the inescapable urge to call into Delilah to dedicate a song to their loved ones, it was about as bland as a Mormon sex tape.
If you were let down by the performance, your esteem for Maroon 5 was inflated, and that is your cross to bear. I have never proactively listened to a Maroon 5 song, yet I knew the lyrics to literally every single song they played, which is an impossible feat for someone who can’t even remember how old his parents are.
Maroon 5 knows who they are, and their identity as a sterile pop-rock band has made them multi-millionaires with expensive haircuts. At the end of the day, the joke will always be on, the coupon clippers who weigh more than our credit scores. Just me? Cool.
After the performance, Adam Levine shared a post ruminating on the experience, thanking his critics “for always pushing us to do better.”
“When we accepted the responsibility to perform at the SBHTS, I took out my pen and just wrote. Some of the words that came to me in that moment eventually made their way onto the incredible lanterns that flew high and low tonight. We thank the universe for this historic opportunity to play on the world’s biggest stage. We thank our fans for making our dreams possible. And we thank our critics for always pushing us to do better. One Love.”
Adam Levine is worth an estimated $90 million, but you cannot put a price on making my aunt’s nipples perk up for the first time since seeing Michael McDonald live in 1986. I have no choice but to respect him.
Now cue the music.