Amazon Knows Its Drivers Are Peeing In Bottles And Pooping In Bags

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Despite claiming ignorance, Amazon—the Harvard of companies—is aware that its drivers are relieving themselves along the route like the huskies of the Iditarod:

“Have to use the restroom in a bottle.”

Sounds kinda cute, almost. As though there’s a miniature toilet inside the bottle, like those wooden ships you see in bottles, with the tiniest flush handle and pipes as thin as wires. Better set that spray to a fine jet and hope your aim is on point!

Beyond that, peeing in bottles isn’t a huge deal. Uh, ever play sports as a kid and take a long bus ride back after the game? Fairly sure that Gatorade specifically chose the shape of its wide-mouthed bottles to enable even the girthiest of shortstops entry. Not to mention the lemon lime flavor looks like urine on the shelf, albeit multi-vitamin-enriched urine.

What’s not cute, however, is the image of taking over a shift and finding bottles and bags of someone else’s piss and poop rolling around with every turn. I don’t even like sitting down in a seat that is still warm from the previous occupant. Multiply that by 100 factors of nightmare fuel when their discharge bottles/bags are sloshing and sliding under the brake pedal.

And no—dumping in a bag is never cool. Not in little league, not now. I’ve never heard of that.