The Doomsday Clock is one minute away from midnight after President Donald Trump sent out a tweet threatening North Korea with ‘fire and fury’. If you’ve been on the Internet or flipped on the news at all in the past 15 hours then you’ve probably seen an exorbitant number of shitty hot takes regarding this ‘fire and fury’ threat. We’ve got two small-dicked dudes with Napoleon complexes threatening each other with Nuclear War from across the globe, and the world’s population is stuck in the middle of this potentially apocalyptic dick-measuring contest.
To capitalize on the public’s awareness that the end is nigh, last night on Jimmy Kimmel Live they sent out the street team to ask people if we should have a military intervention, and then they busted out a map and asked people to locate North Korea on a map. I’m sure there were some people who were able to find N. Korea that didn’t make the final cut of this bit because that doesn’t make for good TV. What makes for good TV is the fact that virtually nobody had a fucking clue where North Korea was. One chick pointed to Canada.
If you’re ever put on the spot like this just remember that North Korea shares a Northern border with China, it’s only legitimate trade ally. To the south is South Korea rounding out the Korean Peninsula, and just further to the south and across the water is Japan. If you’re looking at a map, just find Japan and move up and to the left.
Now, is it not totally batshit crazy that North Korea, a country that’s only two-thirds the size of Florida, is threatening the ignite World War III? Russia’s enormous. China’s gigantic. These are countries that make sense when posturing on the world stage. Not a country like North Korea which is only slightly larger than the state of Ohio, and slightly smaller than Pennsylvania. No matter what your H.S. girlfriend told you, size matters, and Alaska is over 14x the size of N. Korea. Texas is almost 6x the size of the bad Korea. When you put that in context it makes perfect sense that no American would ever know where N.Korea is on a map.