I have appointed myself as the President of the Hating on Avatar Fan Club. If you would like to join our ranks, and I’m sure that many of you out there do, shoot me an email at email@example.com. We’re always looking for committed members who are ready and willing to do what should — neigh, must! — be done and that’s spreading the gospel of how awful Avatar truly is.
After literal years of trying, I recently converted my boss Cass, who, after staunchly defending the technical merits of Avatar for as long as I’ve known him, finally caved and admitted the following:
“After reading just one quote about Spider, I’ve changed my entire opinion in the Avatar sequels, they are going to be hot trash and new tech can’t make up for it. The first one did change the entire industry, even if you will never see that, but these are gonna be so bad. There’s nowhere left to go with tech, the industry killed 3D and they’re not bringing VR into theaters for a decade.”
Now, not to, as the kids say, “S my own D” here, but Cass’ resignation about the truth of Avatar was a result of nothing more than hard work, dedication, and commitment to the cause on my part. In my two-and-a-half years at BroBible, I’ve written, including this one, 17 articles about my distaste for the film, and my efforts are finally paying dividends. The Anti-Avatar Army is now one member stronger.
Luckily for me, James Cameron makes dunking on Avatar quite easy, as every new piece of information that comes out, whether it be about the original film from 12-years-ago or the (alleged) future sequels, only further highlights my opinion: this franchise is garbage.
Take this recently released image, for example, which reveals that the two main characters from Avatar — $5 for anyone who can remember their names without the help of Google — have adopted a human son named Spider, who appears to be going full Martin Sheen-in-Apocalypse Now mode.
Check out this just-released photo of @JackTheChamp as Spider in the #AvatarSequels! Producer @jonlandau sat down with @EmpireMagazine to share new details — see the full article below for more. https://t.co/vajC6TfCmA
— Avatar (@officialavatar) December 20, 2021
If and when Avatar 2 does hit theaters, our nation must rise up and make sure it comes nowhere near the top of the highest-grossing movies of all time. Our world has enough problems as it is. Viva la resistance!