Ranking The 9 Best (And Worst) Classic Ice Cream Truck Offerings

There are plenty of ways to cool down on a summer day, and hitting up an ice cream truck for a frozen treat is easily one of the more enjoyable routes you can take. However, the items they serve up are not created equal.

These are the best (and worst) things you could order from a Good Humor ice cream truck as a kid

I might be firmly in my 30s, but I’d be lying if I said I have a hard time resisting the urge to burst outside of my place and run down the street when I hear the signature sound of an ice cream truck making its way down the street.

The various jingles that have lured generations of kids to those vehicles are basically the summer equivalent of the song of the sirens of Greek mythology that called sailors to their doom, and if you grew up taking advantage of their offerings, it’s hard not to be overcome by a wave of nostalgia when you encounter them.

Ice cream trucks come in a few different forms. I spent around a decade in New York City, which is filled with a patrolling fleet of the Mister Softee army, which offers real, actual soft serve as opposed to the various prepackaged treats peddled by the Good Humor vendors I was raised on.

I’ll be focusing on the items in that second category for the purpose of this list while taking a look back at what I would consider the best (and worst) options on the menu.

Snow Cone

At the risk of once again deploying the “I Lived In New York City” card, my time there was also the first time I encountered the roving carts manned by people armed with a sizable array of sugary syrups poured on top of shaved ice.

Those are delicious, but the same cannot be said for the ones that tended to be frozen in a solid block of ice when served up from an ice cream truck. Sure, you could wait for them to thaw, but it was never worth the wait based on what you ended up getting.

Ice Cream Sandwich

A classic ice cream sandwich—vanilla placed between a couple of cake-like chocolate cookies—is a perfectly acceptable option when you have no other options. However, you do when you’re at an ice cream truck, so I’m not sure why anyone would go with this unless everything else was sold out.

Rocket Pop (And, To Be Honest, Every Other Kind Popsicle)

As was the case with snow cones, there is no actual ice cream in the red, white, and blue popsicles that go by various names, including Rocket Pop, Bomb Pop, and Firecracker.

They harnessed the power of patriotism to stand out from the rest of the popsicle pack, but there is simply a ceiling when it comes to all of these juice-based offerings. Sure, they provide some refreshment when it’s hot out, but they simply cannot hold their own against more complex forms of competition.

The same can be said for the giant rainbow-striped options, the ones that changed colors as you licked through different layers, and the other approaches that do not merit being mentioned after this point.

Any Cartoon Character With Gumballs For Eyes (And Really Anything With Gumballs)

These came in many different forms; popsicles shaped like SpongeBob SquarePants, Sonic the Hedgehog, and Spider-Man are the first ones that spring to mind, but that’s just the tip of the ice(cream)berg when it comes to the many different forms of intellectual property that have been licensed for consumption.

I feel like this was a lot of people’s initial introduction to false advertising, as what awaited you inside was almost always a grotesque version of the perfect picture printed on the label.

They also had a tendency to look bug-eyed due to the misplacement of the gumball eyes, and while the popsicles themselves were usually pretty tasty, the same couldn’t be said for the candy, which was usually frozen solid and difficult to chew on even after it thawed.

I’m also going to lump Screwballs into this category, as I have the same beef with the gumballs that awaited you at the bottom but were anything but a prize.

Orange Creamsicle

The Orange Creamsicle is brilliant in its simplicity. I can only assume it was created by someone who was left with a feeling of existential disappointment after having a plain, regular orange popsicle before trying to fill that hole with some vanilla ice cream and realizing they stumbled upon a brilliant creation.

It may have trouble going up against the heavy hitters on this list, but when you consider it’s still a force to be reckoned with after being invented all the way back in 1937, you have to give credit where credit is due to an O.G.

Strawberry Shortcake Eclair Bar (And Its Variously Flavored Cousins)

We’ve officially entered Mount Rushmore territory when it comes to ice cream treats, and these are the Teddy Roosevelt (well-respected but still nowhere near the status of the other ones that comprise the Big Three).

The umbrella category for the item we’re discussing here is an “eclair bar,” which involves vanilla ice cream coated with what are best described as “cake-like sprinkles” with a different flavor lurking at the center.

I’ve encountered flavors including chocolate, cookies ‘n cream, and toasted almond, but the strawberry shortcake option is very, very hard to top.

Drumstick

Now we’re talking. I don’t have much to say about Drumsticks that they don’t have to say once you take a bite that incorporates all of its core ingredients (peanuts, vanilla ice cream, chocolate coating, and a cone), as they really just speak for themselves.

You also can’t talk about the Drumstick without mentioning the delicious chocolate-filled morsel at the bottom of the cone, which puts the gumballs at the bottom of Screwballs to shame.

I’m also going to use this entry to give a shoutout to King Cones, which can hold their own against most of the pack but are basically an inferior version of this option.

Push-Up Pop

At their core, Push-Up Pops (which I first became familiar with when they were the target of some corporate synergy involving characters from The Flintstones) are just glorified sherbert. However, there’s something about the interactive nature that elevates it while you’re doing exactly that.

Chipwich

You almost have to feel back for every other treat that was going up against the Chipwich, as there’s just no real way to compete with vanilla ice cream that’s packed between a couple of chocolate chip cookies and then finished with a crust consisting of those morsels.

Also, because I’m very aware I’m going to get people asking me, “Where are the WWF ice cream sandwich bars?,” they probably would have been right below these if I were considering options that were firmly extinct.